Music & Relationships

hi everyone,

sorry for the lack of updates these past few months but i had loads of assignments,a part time job that kinda consumed my time.today i want to write about something that's been stuck in my head for quite some time but i just didn't know how to put it in words so i'll try to convey how i feel the best way possible so bear with me please.

i have been thinking about music and relationships recently.i've been driving a lot to uni and back so i keep hearing this song 'distance' by christina perri and jason mraz.the lyrics just makes me wanna cry because i was in that same situation quite a few years back but nothing was ever really resolved or rather things ended abruptly,suddenly and there was not much of a closure.

we just kind of moved on from that situation.i still see that person from time to time but everytime i bite back my lip and refrain from asking the most important question which is why.

so hearing that song just makes me keep tearing up and i choke up as i sing along to it while driving because i guess deep down i know that i will never get an answer to the question i want to ask and that things will probably never be resolved because that person cares too much about someone's feelings to even say the truth.

sometimes truth hurts but at the same time,it provides closure.Why am i talking about music relating to relationships? its because you might not be able to write down how you feel but someone else's lyrics could be related to how you are feeling or certain songs by certain artists can just trigger your memories about somebody.

I can't listen to jay chou songs without tearing up because that was a huge part of me & J's relationship which hurts even more knowing that J hates me now and considered our relationship meaningless.Pretty Girl (The Way) by sugarcult and love the way you lie part 1 and part 2 by eminem and rihanna described how bad was my relationship with the ex-domo.

i do not know if i will get closure with the person that i said the song distance reminds me of but if i ever could ask that person a question is 'why did you say you couldn't love me more when its clear that you did?'

some of you might think that i broke up with WH or something but no,we are still going strong,it's just that sometimes it's human curiosity this strange part of us who wants our questions to be answered no matter how futile it is.

no matter how much we know that the answer might hurt us or that the other party might lie to us,we desperately want a closure.being in a relationship is not easy but i think ending a relationship without any closure hurts even more and its harder because you are kept wondering what went wrong and you are left to guess for probably the rest of your life.

music just have this strong power to twist your emotions even when you don't want it to.sorry for the depressing first post after so many months but i just needed to get this out of my system.hopefully i'll write happier stuff soon :)

Smile

Maybe i don't show my appreciation for you that much but i do.You came into my life at a point whereby i was already giving up on love and basically just surrendering to whatever happens,happens.I was so scared when i realised that i was falling for you.I guess God wanted to give me a kick in my butt and tell me that there are other guys out there who are nice and who will treat me well.Both of us kept our feelings so quiet and finally when we confessed,you went overseas for a trip and i told you that i'm not ready for a relationship yet.You took your time,you never pushed me.You just told me to let you know when i'm ready to take a step further.

Maybe it was good that you were overseas during that time.I guess it gave both of us a chance to further evaluate what do we really want and whether is this really worth it.But i should have known,the moment you made me smile more than i ever did before,that was it.I had never met anyone like you.You were so shy and yet you were so mesmerizing to me.The way you knew the right things to say and do just to make me laugh or smile.The way that you love me just the way i am.The way that you could be so shy and anti-social in front of others but yet when you are with me,its like there are no barriers between us.

Before you came along,there were other guys.Really nice guys but yet none of them stole my heart like you did.My heart skipped a beat whenever you came online or when i got a text from you.The phone calls we had for hours till the early mornings just talking about everything and nothing at all left me smiling all the time as i recalled what we chat about.Even my mum noticed a change in me when i kept smiling.The guy before you left me in such a mess that no one,not even myself could try to fix or pick up the pieces but when you came along,it felt as though i can try picking up the pieces and start over again.With your support and your patience,i slowly heal.I'm still healing but its much better now.

I love that you respect me a lot and are supportive of my dreams and ambitions.You give me a push when i need it and you comfort me when i need it the most.The moment i knew that you were serious about us was when you showed me that you love me just the way i am in your own way.You spoil me a lot,i will admit that and yes i love you spoiling me because i find it really cute that you try all sorts of ways to make me smile (but i shall try not to be such a spoiled brat *pinky promise*)

Like Avril Lavigne sings "that's why i smile,its been awhile,you turn it all around and suddenly you're all i need,the reason why i smile" i heart you a lot WH :)

David Choi!!!

What can i say about David Choi except for the fact that he is super nice,awesome and has the most amazing voice live ever! me and WH got to the place really early but we decided to walk around for a bit and have our meal first before going back to line up.We reach back about 2pm and there were already some people ahead of us,we were second.

By about 4 plus pm,the line was growing longer till the point,the people in charge had to open the doors because there wasn't enough space to accomodate us anymore.We sat and waited.Hunny Madu was the opening act and she came to do her soundcheck,all of us sat there patiently and greeted her nicely.When David came,all of us were screaming and saying hi to him but we didn't like mob him or anything.All in all,it was a pretty civilized crowd until the doors were almost opening and when they announced that there are only 32 shirts being sold and that's when the crowd went wild.I nearly got pushed against the table while buying my shirts and WH stood behind me so that he take the bashing when the crowd started pushing when the doors were open.

Me with my board

Hunny Madu was a fantastic opening act with just the keyboard as her backing music.Her voice was raspy in a good way and not like the Amy Winehouse way (sorry to fans of her,nothing against her,just not my taste) and powerful.Can't wait to get her album when i have bit more cash.

Of course,the main course of the evening was David Choi.He was funny,he was sweet,he smiled a lot and made many jokes.He loved saying 'terima kasih' and was very responsive to the audience.The stories he told regarding his songs were good and helps the audience gain a deeper understanding into his lyrics.He is one of the most subcribed musicians on Youtube and yet he remains oh so humble.He ended the night with three of his biggest songs which was "Won't Even Start","That Girl" and "By My Side".

He even announced that "By My Side" will have a music video coming out in July which is produced by Wong Fu Productions.Me and WH waited around after the concert and it paid off,i got really nice pics with David and even gave him a polaroid of him.He signed my cds and a board that i made.

Me with David Choi

The polaroid that i gave him

All in all,it was a good night and i made WH help me 'steal' a poster off the wall after the show.I hope David comes back soon with the whole gang.

The poster that i 'stole' along with the board that i made as modeled by WH

Music videos by David Choi produced by Wong Fu Productions

An awesome interview done by Jin & Ryan from Hitz.FM with David Choi

Enchanted

If i had known of this song in bout late november or early december,it would have been perfect.To WH,it's a little late but the lyrics are for you :)

Dedications

For you,WH.thanks for everything :)

Wedding Dress (Dance Version) Taeyang

David Choi Rocketeer Beat Box Cover with Special Guests

i know i have blogged about this video before but please help get it to 1 million views! its so good.spread it on your blogs,your facebook,your myspace,your friendster or your twitter and to your friends.viral it!

Need You

Lyrics

I know its not your fault, but I’m a locked door
Anytime I’m a mess by someone before
And I wish that I, I could find a key
To unlock all the things that you want us to be
Let me open up and start again,
But there’s a safe around my heart
I don’t know how to let you in,
And that’s what keeps us apart
And that’s why I need time.
I said I need you,
I need you to understand, you, you, you
I need you to understand, you, you, you

Call up the locksmith,
Tell him we need him quick
We’ve got a million keys,?
None of them seem to fit
While your on the phone,
Call up the clocksmith,
Cuz I could use some time,
Even the slightest bit
Let me open up and start again,
And break this safe around my heart
I don’t know how to let you in,
And that’s what keeps us apart
And that’s why I need time
I said I need you
I need you to understand, you, you, you
I need you to understand, you, you, you

I’m thinking now’s the time,
Maybe its time to go, if I gave you my heart, be gentle,
I’m tired of laying low, lets give the world a show
And when you know, you know,
And when you know, you know, you know
And when you know, you know, you know, you know
And that’s why I need time

I said I need you,
I need you to understand, you, you, you (x2)
I need you to understand (x4)
I need you (x3)
I need you, you, you

Name by afterschoolspecial & Wong Fu Productions

this is such an awesome video done by Wong Fu Productions and afterschoolspecial.please viral this.this is dedicated to all the strong sexy ladies out there.

Phil from Wong Fu Productions behind the scenes commentaries below (copy pasted from their blog)

Concept: The first decision we made with the band was that the video would not be a performance video. While we did want to show off the band, they wanted a video that had more of a story, rather than shots of them playing and singing. This is why the video has no band set up. This is also why we created the “office supply instruments”. We wanted to show what each member played, without cutting to a performance shot.

Female heroes and secret identities
The song’s topic is very clear. Dan raps about this mysterious, special girl who he knows so much about, yet strangely doesn’t even know her name. We knew that we wanted to make the video revolve around a very strong female lead, thinking that the song and video could be inspiring to young ladies who might watch it. In a broader sense, the song is also showing that someone could know a lot about a girl on the surface, and still not know anything about who she really is. Often, girls have many layers of emotions and personalities, putting forth a strong face, when really, they are troubled inside. As a guy, I really respect many girls who have been through a lot personally, yet still hold it together on the outside. This is where the idea for a “secret identity” and “super heroine” came about, because we felt many girls have secret identities.

Why an office?
We wanted to bring the idea of a female superhero into everyday life. The initial idea had the video take place at a school, with Dan and the band members caught in detention. They would’ve be playing instruments made of school supplies, and Angela would’ve been saving them from an evil teacher. This would also relate to their name “afterschoolspecial”. But ultimately we decided that we wanted to make the video more “grown up”, so we thought, for someone older, what’s the equivalent of being stuck at school? Being stuck at work.

And so the story of Dan and his bandmate coworkers in the office was finalized. Angela is the mysterious girl that Dan knows little about, and just as they finally get to meet, the evil boss catches them and makes him and his friends all stay after. Just before they get separated, Dan gives Angela the drawing on the paper, which she later reveals as her symbol (like the bat signal for Batman). This is her cue to “transform” and go back to save the band. After an epic stapler war, and a helpful distraction from Paul Dateh, everyone escapes!

Production: The entire video was shot in one day at an office in San Diego. All the actors and extras were friends of the band. The great thing about the video was that it was all in one location, an indoor location. Everything was contained and we literally had this “set” to ourselves. This made shooting go much smoother and more comfortable (no need to worry about external interference)

The fight scene was done with Philip (the boss) and Angela pretending everything. At first we tried to see what it would look like if they really shot the staples. Sadly, the staples only went a few feet, and couldn’t even be seen on camera. So we removed all the staples from the staplers and decided that adding special effects later would look better anyway. The “enhanced” staple guns were done by our friend Eugene Gauran, the same friend who did the photo tornado in the “That Girl” music video. All the paper “explosions” were done just by throwing the paper on top of the actors, but props to Philip for having to really take a hit from the clip board and falling to the ground many takes!

p/s Wong Fu Productions' youtube channel and afterschoolspecial's youtube channel here.click on them and support :)

Music & Lyrics

there are songs that remind me of different ppl.love the way you lie reminds me of the ex-domo.any jay chou song but particularly qing tian & jian dan ai and ke ai nu ren reminds me of the ex,J.and then there are the songs that reminds you of a particular moment.

i like to look up lyrics to songs i listen to for fun.no matter what language,i try to find translations if i could.i can't read chinese and my understanding of Mandarin or any other language except English,Malay & Cantonese is pretty low so i have to look up translations for songs from other languages.

but once i look up the lyrics and i understand what the song is about, especially if i could relate to it,i do tear up at times.some songs that induces tears are like wo bu pei,ni ting de dao & qing tian by jay chou.qing tian and ni ting de dao always chokes me.J used to sing qing tian to me all the time.ni ting de dao was partly me & the ex-domo's song.even wei yi by wang lee hom can get me in tears.that was the first ever song if i remember well that i got the ex-domo to sing for me.i was just lying on him having his arms wrapped around me.i asked him to sing for me and he asked me what i want so i said i want wei yi by wang lee hom.he's not an awesome singer but it was good enough for me.

yi lu xiang bei by jay chou is sad if you look at the lyrics.people drifting apart.the one song i listened to while i kept fighting with the ex-domo was pretty girl (the way) by sugarcult.if you look up the lyrics,you would understand why.

music and lyrics are powerful.the moment you listen to a song,you are brought back to the moment that the song reminds you of and what's most upsetting is that the moments you remember are usually the sad ones.

Taeyang - Wedding Dress (English Version by Kevin Lien) W/ LYRICS

Gem Of A Song

A lil song that reflects how i feel sometimes.

Love Is Forever?

As the day is ending,i realised something.Its been 3 months.3 months since the break up and 3 months since i had to start answering people's questions or just shut up because honestly i don't want to discuss it anymore.there are people who asked does it still affect me,do i still have scars from it?

I guess i will always have a bit of scars which will never fade but i'm stronger because of it and unfortunately also more reluctant to believe in love.I'm not being a pessimist but i realize that when i used to advice The Boi about his relationship problems,i used to ask him to look at the bright side but now i prepare him for hurts as well.What a lousy friend i am in a sense right?

Now i'm listening to Neutron Star Collision (love is forever) by muse and i really do wish love is forever but i know it can't be.Love...its simple yet complicated,it gives the most joy in the world and yet it gives the most hurt in the world as well.Somehow i find myself relating to characters in Japanese tv dramas or animes lately.I relate to Yamada in Honey & Clover in the sense that she can't give up on Mayama and end up could be missing out on someone better like Nomiya and i also relate to Hagu-chan in Honey & Clover in the sense that she couldn't confess her love to Morita at first because she is scared.I also relate to Yukari from Paradise Kiss in the sense that i loved the turbulence in the relationship like she did with George because i knew how much i loved him but i know at the end of the day,i will choose someone i need like she did when she chose Hiroyuki instead of George because i know i won't be able to take so much turbulence anymore no matter how much i love the person and lastly i relate to Makino from Hana Yori Dango because even though Rui (the better guy) was there for her,at the end of the day,she still chose Domyoji even though things were so difficult for them to be together.

Maybe that's why i tear up when i watch those shows and anime because i can't help but relate to them so much that it hurts.Its like watching myself doing those 'mistakes' or things or however you call it again and again although in a different situation.For me,why do we love when it hurts so much?To be honest,i do not have an answer but i believe that we need love to survive somehow someway.

Love The Way You Lie

I downloaded this song by Eminem featuring Rihanna without knowing exactly what the song is about.When i first listened to it,i thought "cool,it has nice beats,Rihanna sounds good and really good rapping by Eminem" and then i googled the lyrics.Trust me,i shuddered when i read the lyrics because its about abusive relationships.

I've been in that situation just a couple of months before.I do not want to disclose what happened exactly but now i feel that i should have gotten out of that situation sooner.I guess love sometimes really makes someone blind.The music video was released on Thursday night.I watched it yesterday and i was actually shivering because some of the things in the video has actually happened to me before.

Its painful.Its not the physical pain that i have to live with,its more on emotional and mental.Day by day,these thoughts run through my mind such as "did he really love me?was it just a difficult relationship?if i had stayed,would things have gotten better?" This is a difficult topic for me to blog on as i really believe that is really personal and its the first time i'm publicly acknowledging this.

I used to have all sorts of questions when i hear of people being in a abusive relationship and still staying in it like why don't they just leave?Now having been in one myself,i totally understand their reasons.When you love someone so much,you would like to believe that eventually things will work out and that if you just stay and try to work it out,it will.

To be honest,this song is talking about Eminem & his ex-wife Kim's volatile relationship.I used to wonder why they kept breaking up and getting back together but i totally understand now.Not that i would go back to that situation ever again and now i know of signs to watch out for but i understand when you love someone so badly,you just want everything to work out.

I keep looping this song because its an emotional release for me but i can't watch the music video too much as its too disturbing for me because it feels too real for me.Guys,when a girl really loves you,even if she's a bitch normally,she would swallow her pride down and keep it quiet just to make things work.Treat girls better.Girls,stand up for yourself no matter how much you love someone because it takes two parties to make a relationship work.

lyrics for the song

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down

Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

P/s please do not post comments trashing anybody as it will not be approved.This is just my take on what i have been through.Thanks.

Wo Ai Ni

The Turbulence

Relationships.Would you prefer a calm relationship but it doesn't feel right or a turbulent relationship but it just feels oh so right?I have been watching Gilmore Girls today.I always found that Rory & Logan always seem like the perfect couple who could just never be perfect just becoz their relationship is really turbulent but you can see how right it feels for both of them at the same time.

George & Yukari from Paradise Kiss is another example.As you watch Paradise Kiss,you can actually feel how much love they have for each other but in the end,Yukari ends up with the person she needs and not that the person she wants just because its the right thing to do.

Would you rather be in a relationship that's so normal and you don't really feel the love or would you rather end up being in a relationship that is so turbulent but you know how much you both love each other and how right it feels at that point in time?

Is it worth it?Risking your whole feelings for that moment in time?That moment in time where you feel so alive because you know how much you love,how much you hurt but most of all,how much you badly want to be with that person?I believe its worth it.How many people can actually say they have been so in love that it hurts not to be in love with that person?

I have this theory where most people had that one chance or that one relationship which was so turbulent but at the same time,its that one person they loved the most and the one person they wanted the most but they chose the conventional way whereby they end up with the person who is supposed to be right for them but honestly,i believe those people always have questions in the back of their mind on whether they made the right choice.

As for me,my choice is to have the turbulent relationship whereby i feel its right for me,whereby i know I'm really in love and my whole heart is in it.I know Rory & Logan/George & Yukari never ended up together but i know that in a real life fairy tale,anything is possible and I'm not giving up.Not ever.

Say It's True,I'll Never Ask For Anyone But You.

I have been staring at this blog composing page for awhile not knowing what to type for this post.I want to be cryptic yet at the same time,i want to be straightforward.

I keep biting and peeling my nails and skin as i do not know what to type for this post.I feel confused,i feel mixed up.I have pending posts but I'm not in the mood to do it now.Have you ever felt so confused and frustrated that you just wanna scream but at the same time,you just wanna curl up and cry?

I feel that way.I know what my cure is but currently i have no access to that particular cure & it hurts.I know i sound way too cryptic but i have my own principles that i won't spill out really personal stuff here.

My head spins.My heart hurts.I want and need access to my cure but i can't get to my cure.To my replacement cures,thanks for listening to my rants,to my tears on the phone.Sorry to let you know that i still ache,i still hurt,i still feel like crying but thanks for everything.Unfortunately,only my particular cure can cure this heartache.

Maybe I'm too impatient,maybe i ask for too much,maybe i think too much.All the maybes.To be honest,my heart aches,my tears threaten to spill,my head spins and i keep biting my lips to keep everything calm and composed even though i know its far from being composed.

Every time this hurts,it hurts both ways.I know it way too well.

Cute Song

Emotionally Unstable