Love Is Forever?

As the day is ending,i realised something.Its been 3 months.3 months since the break up and 3 months since i had to start answering people's questions or just shut up because honestly i don't want to discuss it anymore.there are people who asked does it still affect me,do i still have scars from it?

I guess i will always have a bit of scars which will never fade but i'm stronger because of it and unfortunately also more reluctant to believe in love.I'm not being a pessimist but i realize that when i used to advice The Boi about his relationship problems,i used to ask him to look at the bright side but now i prepare him for hurts as well.What a lousy friend i am in a sense right?

Now i'm listening to Neutron Star Collision (love is forever) by muse and i really do wish love is forever but i know it can't be.Love...its simple yet complicated,it gives the most joy in the world and yet it gives the most hurt in the world as well.Somehow i find myself relating to characters in Japanese tv dramas or animes lately.I relate to Yamada in Honey & Clover in the sense that she can't give up on Mayama and end up could be missing out on someone better like Nomiya and i also relate to Hagu-chan in Honey & Clover in the sense that she couldn't confess her love to Morita at first because she is scared.I also relate to Yukari from Paradise Kiss in the sense that i loved the turbulence in the relationship like she did with George because i knew how much i loved him but i know at the end of the day,i will choose someone i need like she did when she chose Hiroyuki instead of George because i know i won't be able to take so much turbulence anymore no matter how much i love the person and lastly i relate to Makino from Hana Yori Dango because even though Rui (the better guy) was there for her,at the end of the day,she still chose Domyoji even though things were so difficult for them to be together.

Maybe that's why i tear up when i watch those shows and anime because i can't help but relate to them so much that it hurts.Its like watching myself doing those 'mistakes' or things or however you call it again and again although in a different situation.For me,why do we love when it hurts so much?To be honest,i do not have an answer but i believe that we need love to survive somehow someway.

2006-present (2010)

this is just a filler post as i;m bored.i've been rather emo these few days.not pms.i just had my period.just feeling lonely,i guess.anywayz,for today's post,i decided to post pics of me from 2006-present (2010)

2006

rather slim back then

2007 (the year i camwhored more and snuck my hp into school and took pics)

i noticed that i had more different hairstyles and look in 2007 and i realized that i actually took more pictures in 2007 and i smiled more.maybe i was happier then?

2008(the year i got into college and was in a relationship for at least 6 months)

2009 (the year i got my akago [canon eos450d],was flirtatious,single for 8 months and was in a relationship till 2010 & also sprained my ankle)

present-2010 (the year i got my heart broken,became a lil bit stronger and ending my diploma)

p/s sorry post is long :P

Comic Fiesta 2009

My gosh,time really flies,doesn't it?In less than four months,its Comic Fiesta 2010 and an email from Dustyhawk reminded me that i haven't even post up my review of Comic Fiesta 2009 yet.gomenasai (sorry) Life and college been so busy so kinda slipped out of my mind so without further ado,i shall review the event from what i remember.

Cosplayers

The cosplayers were much better at CF09 than CF08 from what i remember but it feels like there were too many vocaloid cosplayers and i remember one guy who really stand out because of the height of his costume which was No Face from Spirited Away

No Face from Spirited Away & me

The treatment for cosplayers were not too bad by the committee & public in general except some ppl are so rude in the sense that they do not ask before they take pictures.Me and my ex were just holding hands (my ex was cosplaying at that time,i wasn't) and those people just keep flipping out their cellphones and digi cams and try to take pics of me and my ex (trust me,i don't even know why) we literally scolded and shoved hands in front of the cams because it was so rude!!! I think better security over things like these would be needed for CF this year as i even heard rumours about some cosplayers got upskirt shots.

Lighting & photography

Much much better than CF08 but i still needed to use my 50mm portrait lens with my Akago (Canon EOS 450D) as it was better for low light conditions.It helps that this time there were better spacing for cosplayers to pose and for photographers to have enough space to composite their shots

Booths

I didn't manage to walk around the booths too much but is it just me or does things seem a bit pricey?According to my sources,certain things which were sold at CF09 were the same from GACC 09 but the price was higher?I guess booth owners have to compensate for rent somehow.

Changing Room

I was cosplaying on day 2.There was barely a place for us to get ready.Most people got ready in the bathrooms which wasn't convenient for my ex and my guy friend to help me out (one was helping me with my costume,the other with my wig) so i literally got ready next to the escalator(it kinda helped that i forgot to wear my contact lenses so i can't even recognize ppl who stared at me)

Air conditioning

It was pretty pretty cold to me but for people who were cosplaying in thicker costumes,i guess it helped them but i know i was freezing like mad!!!

Committee & volunteers

They were very helpful generally but i think on first aid matters,it could have been improved.i sprained my ankle at the end of day 2 and i couldn't even move anywhere.none of my friends knew who to look for first aid matters.i had to call up dustyhawk to ask him to help me get first aid which i'm grateful.

All in all,i give the whole event a 6/10.Could be much better :)

Mr Dustyhawk (the now infamous pic)

Me (Mizuno Azusagawa from Yakitate Japan) & Guest18

Masterchief from Halo (Gixxer)

Me & Crimotaku

Mario (Beatbox)

Vocaloids (their earphones are awesome!)

Me with the other Azusagawa sisters (you can't tell but i was

freezing in the picture)

Me after ankle sprained

p/s for full album pics please click here

Love The Way You Lie

I downloaded this song by Eminem featuring Rihanna without knowing exactly what the song is about.When i first listened to it,i thought "cool,it has nice beats,Rihanna sounds good and really good rapping by Eminem" and then i googled the lyrics.Trust me,i shuddered when i read the lyrics because its about abusive relationships.

I've been in that situation just a couple of months before.I do not want to disclose what happened exactly but now i feel that i should have gotten out of that situation sooner.I guess love sometimes really makes someone blind.The music video was released on Thursday night.I watched it yesterday and i was actually shivering because some of the things in the video has actually happened to me before.

Its painful.Its not the physical pain that i have to live with,its more on emotional and mental.Day by day,these thoughts run through my mind such as "did he really love me?was it just a difficult relationship?if i had stayed,would things have gotten better?" This is a difficult topic for me to blog on as i really believe that is really personal and its the first time i'm publicly acknowledging this.

I used to have all sorts of questions when i hear of people being in a abusive relationship and still staying in it like why don't they just leave?Now having been in one myself,i totally understand their reasons.When you love someone so much,you would like to believe that eventually things will work out and that if you just stay and try to work it out,it will.

To be honest,this song is talking about Eminem & his ex-wife Kim's volatile relationship.I used to wonder why they kept breaking up and getting back together but i totally understand now.Not that i would go back to that situation ever again and now i know of signs to watch out for but i understand when you love someone so badly,you just want everything to work out.

I keep looping this song because its an emotional release for me but i can't watch the music video too much as its too disturbing for me because it feels too real for me.Guys,when a girl really loves you,even if she's a bitch normally,she would swallow her pride down and keep it quiet just to make things work.Treat girls better.Girls,stand up for yourself no matter how much you love someone because it takes two parties to make a relationship work.

lyrics for the song

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down

Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

P/s please do not post comments trashing anybody as it will not be approved.This is just my take on what i have been through.Thanks.

Sometimes,Just Back Off

i'm posting this without exactly knowing if the people i want to direct it to will read it but honestly i just want to get this out of my system.to all you people who are so 'concerned' with my life,my facebook statuses and stuff,JUST BACK OFF!

would you like it if your mum or your family member say stuff to you like "hey people keep asking me about ur facebook statuses,what is up with that?" Honestly,yes,my facebook is public to people i've met or i know but my statuses are sometimes inside jokes that only people who are close enough with me would know what i mean or that i'm joking.

I do not like it when my mum says that she have to clean up my shit for me.for me,if people are not so 'concerned',there will be nothing to clean up.You all may say they're just concerned.if they're concerned then ask me personally.is it so hard to personally pm me or ask me about it?

for me,if you ask me nicely and if its not too private,i will answer you but to go behind my back and ask my mum?sorry lar,that's not called concerned for me already.that's just busybody.whatever i say here is my opinion.it does not represent my family or friends' opinion about this.

honestly i'm only 20 years old.i still have many more lessons to learn and life to go through and yes,you all may say my facebook statuses represent me but i'm not cursing anyone or trashing anyone.certain things i post like 'i want a photographer boyfriend' may seem a lil overboard for some people especially since my break up is not too long ago but for me and for people who know me well enough,they would know i'm just joking and yes,people who are really concerned like my pet sis and certain close friends or just friends actually asked me personally about it.

that's why i say that if you're concerned,just ask me personally about it.don't go to my friends,don't go to my family to ask about things concerning me if you could ask me personally.that's called going behind my back and being a busybody because if you could see my facebook statuses,it means you could ask me personally since i put some really private settings on my facebook.

i'm basically just ranting here because its not pleasant for me to keep getting questioned by my mum.some of you may say post less controversial statuses then but seriously if you do look through my facebook,there's nothing really controversial at all.i do know how to keep certain things under lock and key.

i just am sick of getting questioned.that's all and btw,i will not answer anything related to the reasons of me and my ex breaking up unless the person asking me is close to me because that is one of the things i keep really private.basically,this is it.ask me if you really wanna know stuff about me,not ask anybody else.kthxbai.