Being Jobless/Just Doing It

To be honest, i don't really know how to write this post.too many thoughts jumbled up and not sure how to say it out but here goes,honest feelings,no holds barred.

I have been jobless since January 11 which was the last day of my internship.Honestly,i never thought it would be this hard to look for a job.I mean,come on,i did journalism which is media and media is still pretty much alive...however i did not foresee that most newspapers and magazines would only want experienced people which is actually a vicious cycle cause if they don't give fresh grads like me a chance then how are we supposed to get experience? And we would just move on to any company that would take us in,get some experience and jump out again when we have the required number of years of experience to join back the company that we had intended to join in the first place! See how that works?

I have been on quite a number of interviews and sometimes i get rejected on the spot,sometimes i never hear back and it's quite bad for my self esteem as i know quite a number of people who already secured jobs even during their internship and here i am quite close to three months after my internship and still nothing...my goal is to hopefully get a job before my 23rd birthday but right now,if i could just get a job that i would love and feel okay in,i would be happy too.

Last week,i went in to a local tv station for a one week probation on one of their tv programs however i left on my second day.I was really really unhappy there,it wasn't anything the crew did.They were the nicest most helpful people i have ever met in my course of looking for a job however something in my gut just told me that it wasn't my place there.I actually cried and prayed all the way driving home on my first day.

I asked God to give me a sign cause i was really feeling deeply unhappy and that it wasn't my place.I just knew in my gut that i can continue and i can do the work there however it wasn't what i wanted and my heart was just not in it.I did not want to continue doing something that i knew that i would be forcing myself to do each and every day.

I actually had a discussion with my daddy whether it would be possible for me to leave and he advised me to stay on and finish it then see how things goes.But i kept praying and let's just say i had a pretty obvious sign with a very real dream...Hence the next day,i discussed with the higher ups and told them that i would stay on and finish my probation but i won't stay beyond that.

Needless to say,i was told that i wouldn't need to come back anymore after that day so yeah,i'm back to square one and to be honest,it's not a very good feeling but i do not want to force myself to stay on if i knew that i would not give my all to it.

I love writing,it has always been my passion.My schoolmates who sat next to me would be able to tell you that i used to write stories and fan fiction in class instead of paying attention (do not ask me for any of it as i destroyed them couple of years back because i felt it was real amateur childish writing) hence probably why i had better results in English than anything else.

I know a lot of people would call me stubborn for trying to find a job that i would stay in and love in the current economy situation however i believe in the principle that if you do something you love,it will never feel like a job.I love writing,it never feels like a job to me,words just flow somehow but i feel blocked.

I feel like there's this huge stone in front of me and that if i could just get pass it then i could get to a job that i would love and want to stay in but it does seem hard. To be honest,i'm not even being fussy about salary or even learning new things.For me,i know i'm a fresh grad so i don't expect much in salary as i have no experience.If it's enough to pay for food,petrol,toll and other expenditures then it's ok for me.I'm ok with learning new things as i take everything as a experience.

WH does not really understand how i feel.Sure he tries a lot but my experience and his is so much different.He was already offered a job even before he finished his internship as his internship boss really liked him and was willing to wait for him to graduate to hire him so he kind of did not need to look for a job.

I have actually lost count how many emails i sent out and how many times i check my email or wait by my phone for a call or even a sms and nothing comes so yeah,it does hurt my self esteem a bit...I started this out wanting to blog about how being jobless feels like but i think i'm more of ranting about how people don't seem to want to hire me and yeah,i myself am like hurting my self esteem now.haha.

In the esteemed words of Cheeming Boey, "the difference between a dream and reality is just doing it so if you want to get something done,just do it".

So Boey,I am following your advice and just doing it...a lot of people will call me stupid,silly,stubborn and all sorts of things behind my back,however i will keep doing it and keep shooting for the skies and hoping to land on a star someday and follow my dream of being a journalist/writer.

Keep dreaming and keep doing it and maybe someday somehow,everything will just work out.

#PrayForAldaEvanTan

I've known Alda since Youth 09.That was the first time i ever met him and he was playing an acoustic show with Car Crash Hearts.I've met him possibly 2-3 more times at different gigs but as i got busier with college,i didn't have the time to go to as much gigs anymore but Alda nevertheless still invites me and always says that he hopes to see me there and basically being a big bro to me whenever i asked his advice on different matters.He was the one who gave me my confidence in my photography,i don't think he knows this but he was the first ever musician who used a picture i took of him as his facebook profile picture although i had just started taking pictures with a dslr about less than 3 months before that and for that,i'll be always grateful that he thought my picture was good enough.I never knew that 3 years later that i would be writing this blog post asking you guys to please pray for him no matter what God or higher power you believe in.Yesterday morning,i woke up in shock when the first tweet i saw on twitter was JD (Pop Shuvit) tweeting that Alda was in surgery due to a burst capillary in his brain and was in a coma however today,Alda's sister has confirmed that the condition is something else,please read here.Alda is a good guy and what happened to him has not only come as a shock to me but also to all of friends and his family as well.He is currently doing better according to his sister's blog but prayers help so i urge all of you who stumble upon this post,even if you do not know him,please please please send out a prayer for him.i believe in miracles.




Me with Car Crash Hearts at Youth 09 with Alda behind me

The picture that i took of Alda


Image credited to Aliff Screwthebox