*Possibly fiction
It was short but during that short period, I felt infinite. I felt like I could do anything, I felt like maybe I could finally stop, finally stop trying to find anything to numb up that pain. That pain which I couldn't explain. When I was with you, it felt like time stopped and it was only us. It felt like we could go against the world if we wanted to but I guess only I wanted to.
You made me feel beautiful, you made me felt like I was worthy to be loved despite all of the scars all along my wrists and the bruises left imprinted on my knuckles. You made me felt like I was the only princess in your eyes. You made me want to freeze time so that we would never move on from that moment.
That moment when we first held hands in your car, the moment you kissed me back when I kissed you for the first time, the moment that you held me so tight almost like you were holding me for the last time which I later knew it was the last. Love that was so perfect that it was so imperfect to shatter and break.
Some people say if you knew someone for almost 7 years, it is like a lifetime friendship, we knew each other for ten years back then. Will we ever move back to those days? I don't think we ever will but that short period of time was when I felt most joy and yet that short period of time is also what gives me the most hurt.
I keep my distance only because you can't tell me the truth. We are no longer teenagers and a young adult but yet when we speak, it felt like we went back in time. Will you ever tell me why you left me? You said your reasons but it did not feel real at all. It felt surreal, I heard your piece but I couldn't believe it.
Infinite, that's what you made me feel. Beautiful, that's what you made me feel. Numb, that's what you made me feel but ultimately pain is what you made me feel.
Monday, December 22, 2014
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Occasionally
Occasionally my thoughts suffocates me and sometimes there is no outlet. Maybe sometimes the best way to forget is to lose some memories.
Everything is slightly imprinted in the way a touch feels or the way a voice sounds. Occasionally a spark is felt by a touch or a voice but you got to remind yourself that things are never that way anymore.
Occasionally you see a photo and you remember how happy you were in that photo only to also remember that an argument happened before the photo was taken or that things are not so picture perfect.
Forgetting is never easy but maybe, just maybe, it is possible.
Everything is slightly imprinted in the way a touch feels or the way a voice sounds. Occasionally a spark is felt by a touch or a voice but you got to remind yourself that things are never that way anymore.
Occasionally you see a photo and you remember how happy you were in that photo only to also remember that an argument happened before the photo was taken or that things are not so picture perfect.
Forgetting is never easy but maybe, just maybe, it is possible.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Suffocation Thoughts
Somehow I feel that I have one foot stuck in the past and I don't know why. These days, my dreams have been weird and I keep dreaming of people in my past and in my present but in an alternate reality and life. Signs probably? I do not know...all I know is that I hurt when I wake up after these dreams because it felt so real and so close but yet when I wake up to my own reality, it hurts to know that the dream never existed.
Am I not letting go of something in the past? I do not know, I have questions in my mind that I know that will never be answered but yet I'm not satisfied. I still want an answer at the end of the day. I guess curiosity really killed the cat but yet I still can't help but pick at it. It's like picking a scab and revealing the wound that stings but it feels good to do so.
Some days I do wonder if I had made a different decision, would things have gone down the same path? Too many thoughts swirling in my mind and yet I can't make sense of it all. There's always that one person who you will say yes to in a heartbeat if they would take you back but you know that will never happen.
There's always that one person who you know have lingering feelings for you and you for that person but circumstances have driven any chances to be together apart. I think there's nothing more hurting than to hear that you are the perfect person for that guy/girl except for a mistake you made that you can't erase or turn back.
It feels like you reach a 99% of a download but it failed at that final one percent. Relationships and friendships are such a blur in the lines sometimes that you do not even know if you overstep any boundaries. No, i'm not drunk. I'm very sober, probably messed up by medication but these thoughts have been swirling in my head and I just need to let it out before I choke and suffocate on it.
Am I not letting go of something in the past? I do not know, I have questions in my mind that I know that will never be answered but yet I'm not satisfied. I still want an answer at the end of the day. I guess curiosity really killed the cat but yet I still can't help but pick at it. It's like picking a scab and revealing the wound that stings but it feels good to do so.
Some days I do wonder if I had made a different decision, would things have gone down the same path? Too many thoughts swirling in my mind and yet I can't make sense of it all. There's always that one person who you will say yes to in a heartbeat if they would take you back but you know that will never happen.
There's always that one person who you know have lingering feelings for you and you for that person but circumstances have driven any chances to be together apart. I think there's nothing more hurting than to hear that you are the perfect person for that guy/girl except for a mistake you made that you can't erase or turn back.
It feels like you reach a 99% of a download but it failed at that final one percent. Relationships and friendships are such a blur in the lines sometimes that you do not even know if you overstep any boundaries. No, i'm not drunk. I'm very sober, probably messed up by medication but these thoughts have been swirling in my head and I just need to let it out before I choke and suffocate on it.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Past Loves, Closeness, Friendships
Come to realize something awkward yet at the same time comfortable. All of my close guy friends other than my two college mates are somehow an ex crush or an ex. Maybe because of the sense of closeness? I don't know, after all KZ did say he does not believe in best girl friend or best guy friend and that your best friend who is the opposite sex should be your significant other.
I do agree with him but yet sometimes certain things are just too awkward to say, maybe its not so awkward to speak about it to an ex crush or an ex because you know the fire isn't there anymore and I could actually even joke around about the past. I spoke to both M.G and K.Z last night and the topics came to relationships which both of them agreed that maybe why they didn't take me on back then was because of the fact that either they didn't feel ready enough to commit or like KZ said, he wants to have a significant other who is a best friend too and I wasn't that.
With M.G, we got closer after my break up with my past love, he knew of what happened. He was there to see me through everything, to lend a shoulder to lean on or even just a listening ear for my sobs and cries. Over the years, we may go through months without talking to each other but I can just pick up my phone, call him and he will be there to listen just like time stopped.
I will admit this, we had great chemistry, we laughed together and got each other's sarcasm in sync but the things that stopped us from moving forward was of a certain thing I did with my past love and he liked me a lot but that became a barrier even though he felt like I was his perfect girl. Did he find someone after me? Nope but he did say that even though he feels lonely, he feels he is unable to give such commitment and time which I perfectly understand.
We actually half laughed when I brought up that I gave him a chance but he said no. I guess sometimes you do have what ifs and second thoughts. After all, I'm turning 25 next year and that would mean that me & WH would have been together for 4 years plus. How many couples you find these days that last in their relationship throughout the whole early twenties?
As for KZ, I was 13 when I loved him and I use the word love instead of crush was because without him being there, I would have suffocated. High school was not easy for me, it was trying times. He helped me through without even knowing it but like I said, I was not the one who would be his best friend and significant other. Out of everyone, I think he let me down the gentlest of which I will be grateful.
S was an ex, but more than that, he was like another brother to me and we knew each other for 10 years because I made that mistake to try to push things further. We were only together for 3 weeks but he will forever remain the one who got away. He was the one there for me through everything though I must admit I feel that we never really got any closures. It was such a sudden breakup and sudden makeup to being friends due to the fact that he is a family friend that we never really brought it up since. How do you bring up something that happened 7 years ago? It is extremely awkward.
I have no issues calling up KZ or M.G every few months but when it comes to S, I can't even bring myself to go to his name in my phone and press the call button. Maybe someday I will but not now especially since we have not spoken to each other personally in more than a year. Some of you might say that all these is being so unfair to WH and I would agree but do know where I'm coming from. When I love or like someone, I put my heart into it and when I let someone get close into my heart, it takes a strong betrayal for me to forget about having them in my life.
Even despite the fact that my past love supposedly cheated and even took hits at me, I can't bring myself to hate him because people change and circumstances change hence it is really hard to even try to put myself to hate anyone.
I just decided to ramble today as these thoughts been swirling in my head and I needed somewhere to put them down. Maybe I'll write again soon...
I do agree with him but yet sometimes certain things are just too awkward to say, maybe its not so awkward to speak about it to an ex crush or an ex because you know the fire isn't there anymore and I could actually even joke around about the past. I spoke to both M.G and K.Z last night and the topics came to relationships which both of them agreed that maybe why they didn't take me on back then was because of the fact that either they didn't feel ready enough to commit or like KZ said, he wants to have a significant other who is a best friend too and I wasn't that.
With M.G, we got closer after my break up with my past love, he knew of what happened. He was there to see me through everything, to lend a shoulder to lean on or even just a listening ear for my sobs and cries. Over the years, we may go through months without talking to each other but I can just pick up my phone, call him and he will be there to listen just like time stopped.
I will admit this, we had great chemistry, we laughed together and got each other's sarcasm in sync but the things that stopped us from moving forward was of a certain thing I did with my past love and he liked me a lot but that became a barrier even though he felt like I was his perfect girl. Did he find someone after me? Nope but he did say that even though he feels lonely, he feels he is unable to give such commitment and time which I perfectly understand.
We actually half laughed when I brought up that I gave him a chance but he said no. I guess sometimes you do have what ifs and second thoughts. After all, I'm turning 25 next year and that would mean that me & WH would have been together for 4 years plus. How many couples you find these days that last in their relationship throughout the whole early twenties?
As for KZ, I was 13 when I loved him and I use the word love instead of crush was because without him being there, I would have suffocated. High school was not easy for me, it was trying times. He helped me through without even knowing it but like I said, I was not the one who would be his best friend and significant other. Out of everyone, I think he let me down the gentlest of which I will be grateful.
S was an ex, but more than that, he was like another brother to me and we knew each other for 10 years because I made that mistake to try to push things further. We were only together for 3 weeks but he will forever remain the one who got away. He was the one there for me through everything though I must admit I feel that we never really got any closures. It was such a sudden breakup and sudden makeup to being friends due to the fact that he is a family friend that we never really brought it up since. How do you bring up something that happened 7 years ago? It is extremely awkward.
I have no issues calling up KZ or M.G every few months but when it comes to S, I can't even bring myself to go to his name in my phone and press the call button. Maybe someday I will but not now especially since we have not spoken to each other personally in more than a year. Some of you might say that all these is being so unfair to WH and I would agree but do know where I'm coming from. When I love or like someone, I put my heart into it and when I let someone get close into my heart, it takes a strong betrayal for me to forget about having them in my life.
Even despite the fact that my past love supposedly cheated and even took hits at me, I can't bring myself to hate him because people change and circumstances change hence it is really hard to even try to put myself to hate anyone.
I just decided to ramble today as these thoughts been swirling in my head and I needed somewhere to put them down. Maybe I'll write again soon...
Thursday, October 30, 2014
The Last Time
Dear you who I once called my love,
I can't write as eloquent as Taylor Swift neither could I write a tearjerker like John Green but I guess I'm here to pen what could be possibly my last "love letter" to you. It has been about 4 years and 5 months, I guess? To the public and to the world, that was probably the last time we spoke. Little did they know about close to a year after everything had happened, we stumbled upon each's other paths and did speak although you said you did not know me.
I guess that was what hurt the most. It wasn't the fact that our relationship was abusive, it was the fact that after all that had happened, you could act like you don't know me. All I remember feeling was numb. Numb to the point that it took me awhile to react. I did not know whether to slap you and move on or just hand you back your keys and walk away. I did the latter but yet I still wish I had slapped you. If only to satisfy that stabbing feeling you left me.
We were together only for about 10 months. It wasn't very long neither was it very short. I do wish you were not the first because I regret it. I do not regret the time we spent together because I grew up from it but I do regret that I had thought you were going to be my fairy-tale ending. I ignored everyone when they tried to warn me against you but well, who was I to know that they were right.
I was in love and that was all I saw in you, love and goodness despite the fact that my anxious feelings tried to warn me from falling too hard. I didn't fall gradually, I fell hard and fast. Almost like a descending roller coaster ride that just kept going around in loops. Eventually when everything ended, it felt like a car crash because it happened so fast that we had no control over it.
All you had to do was prove that you would stay. But you couldn't cause you wouldn't. Even when you were with me, you were already looking for the next one. Even when we had commitment rings. Even when we had talked about marriage. Even when you were my first. Despite everything, I still held hope in you. I guess that was what made me stay even when you hit me and never stopped despite all of your promises.
I had the biggest faith and hope that you would change but that never came to be. At least not with me. Even after everything, I still wish you well and will not turn the other way if I saw you on the street. Although you would act like you don't know me and I have thrown out most things from back then, I kept the pictures to remind myself that out of those 10 short/long months we spent together, we did love each other at least at one point of time.
I fear that if I delete even the pictures, that would really erase the ten months that has impacted my life as a whole. Ten months is about the time that a new baby would be formed and come as a whole new life. I would consider those ten months I spent with you as being formed into a new person. I won't say that I'm completely over everything because how do you forget your first without carrying an essence of what happened over into the present.
As Miss Taylor Swift put it, I knew you were trouble but I did not care and still got tangled up in everything. The last time we ever spoke, you acted like you never knew me. Maybe you didn't because that was the new me, the stronger me, the me who would never let you walk all over me again. Like I said, this is probably the last "love letter" I will write addressing to you because it has been over four years and while my feelings will never really let go because you were my first, I think its time to say my peace and maybe someday, somehow you will acknowledge that you once knew me because when things were good, it was good.
Goodbye from someone you once called your love.
I can't write as eloquent as Taylor Swift neither could I write a tearjerker like John Green but I guess I'm here to pen what could be possibly my last "love letter" to you. It has been about 4 years and 5 months, I guess? To the public and to the world, that was probably the last time we spoke. Little did they know about close to a year after everything had happened, we stumbled upon each's other paths and did speak although you said you did not know me.
I guess that was what hurt the most. It wasn't the fact that our relationship was abusive, it was the fact that after all that had happened, you could act like you don't know me. All I remember feeling was numb. Numb to the point that it took me awhile to react. I did not know whether to slap you and move on or just hand you back your keys and walk away. I did the latter but yet I still wish I had slapped you. If only to satisfy that stabbing feeling you left me.
We were together only for about 10 months. It wasn't very long neither was it very short. I do wish you were not the first because I regret it. I do not regret the time we spent together because I grew up from it but I do regret that I had thought you were going to be my fairy-tale ending. I ignored everyone when they tried to warn me against you but well, who was I to know that they were right.
I was in love and that was all I saw in you, love and goodness despite the fact that my anxious feelings tried to warn me from falling too hard. I didn't fall gradually, I fell hard and fast. Almost like a descending roller coaster ride that just kept going around in loops. Eventually when everything ended, it felt like a car crash because it happened so fast that we had no control over it.
All you had to do was prove that you would stay. But you couldn't cause you wouldn't. Even when you were with me, you were already looking for the next one. Even when we had commitment rings. Even when we had talked about marriage. Even when you were my first. Despite everything, I still held hope in you. I guess that was what made me stay even when you hit me and never stopped despite all of your promises.
I had the biggest faith and hope that you would change but that never came to be. At least not with me. Even after everything, I still wish you well and will not turn the other way if I saw you on the street. Although you would act like you don't know me and I have thrown out most things from back then, I kept the pictures to remind myself that out of those 10 short/long months we spent together, we did love each other at least at one point of time.
I fear that if I delete even the pictures, that would really erase the ten months that has impacted my life as a whole. Ten months is about the time that a new baby would be formed and come as a whole new life. I would consider those ten months I spent with you as being formed into a new person. I won't say that I'm completely over everything because how do you forget your first without carrying an essence of what happened over into the present.
As Miss Taylor Swift put it, I knew you were trouble but I did not care and still got tangled up in everything. The last time we ever spoke, you acted like you never knew me. Maybe you didn't because that was the new me, the stronger me, the me who would never let you walk all over me again. Like I said, this is probably the last "love letter" I will write addressing to you because it has been over four years and while my feelings will never really let go because you were my first, I think its time to say my peace and maybe someday, somehow you will acknowledge that you once knew me because when things were good, it was good.
Goodbye from someone you once called your love.
Friday, October 3, 2014
Checking In
It's time again to brush off some cobwebs on my blog. Work has been really crazy and hectic. Most nights, the earliest I leave office is like 8.30 or 9pm unless I have an appointment or meeting. Latest I have ever left was like close to midnight.
Don't get me wrong, I do love my job. I have so much passion for it and I love the brand that I'm representing for, it's just that I feel I need to take a breather somehow. From my last job to coming here, I had less than a week to breath and take a break. Once I came in here, it was, go, go and go. Only times I ever really took a break is when i'm on mc or really really dead tired. Most times, even on weekends, I use any free spare time to catch up on work that I did not manage to get to during the week.
Needless to say that family time, relationship time and even friendship time is slightly suffering. All I can say is that I'm lucky to have an understanding family, WH and friends. But it does get tough, I have broken down and cried before thinking did I bite off more than I could chew but I wake up and it's always a new day again.
On another hand, I have taken into writing short stories again albeit they are fan fiction but at least it's a form of writing that is not related to work so it's a bit more relaxing and its nice when people say they like the style I write. Trust me, having to rewrite your copies over and over again can be kind of demotivating at times.
I do hope to blog more soon however it is getting late and I'm really tired after a long day of work so adios until the next time :)
Don't get me wrong, I do love my job. I have so much passion for it and I love the brand that I'm representing for, it's just that I feel I need to take a breather somehow. From my last job to coming here, I had less than a week to breath and take a break. Once I came in here, it was, go, go and go. Only times I ever really took a break is when i'm on mc or really really dead tired. Most times, even on weekends, I use any free spare time to catch up on work that I did not manage to get to during the week.
Needless to say that family time, relationship time and even friendship time is slightly suffering. All I can say is that I'm lucky to have an understanding family, WH and friends. But it does get tough, I have broken down and cried before thinking did I bite off more than I could chew but I wake up and it's always a new day again.
On another hand, I have taken into writing short stories again albeit they are fan fiction but at least it's a form of writing that is not related to work so it's a bit more relaxing and its nice when people say they like the style I write. Trust me, having to rewrite your copies over and over again can be kind of demotivating at times.
I do hope to blog more soon however it is getting late and I'm really tired after a long day of work so adios until the next time :)
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Anyone's Guess
*Work of Fiction below
We just stare at each other through that dance floor space. Me feeling that buzz of alcohol leaving me and him just giving me that stare. The tension in the air is so thick that a knife could even cut it. I threw caution to the wind and just gulped down another shot. Looked up and he was gone only to feel a breath at the back of my neck.
"Why aren't you dancing?", he asked and I just mumbled a reply of that I was but I was more comfortable standing nearby my table. He laughed a soft laugh and walked off saying suit yourself. Maybe it was liquid courage but I made my way to the dance floor. I knew there was a reason I never went clubbing, it's out of my league and I feel so out of place compared to all these other beautiful, tall, skinny,leggy girls.
I only found myself here because it was a company event. I wanted to skipped out on the after party but my ride decided to go too so I got dragged along. My favorite song came on and I just went for it and felt highly uncomfortable when a girl from my company who I barely knew grabbed onto me and tried dancing and even grinding with me. "Now I know why people get themselves wasted, no such awkward feelings when people are too shit drunk to care", that was my thought.
I noticed him staring at me dancing away, i loosened up the neat bun which I had on earlier not that I needed to since the pins have already fallen off while I was dancing anyways. I gave him a stare back and just smiled awkwardly. He seemed to be talking to a girl and the next time I turned around, he was gone.
I was tired, my ride was way too drunk hence in the end, I decided to just call a taxi to go home. He was standing outside of the club entrance smoking and he gave me a smirk. "Leaving? The night is still too young.", he said. "I'm tired and these places are never really my scene anyway." I replied.
"Well, you are right. You do look a little out of place in there, my little princess. Why not you just let me finish my cigarette and I'll take you home." He said with that cocky smirk of his. I just replied with a nod and a smile. Whatever happens next is anyone's guess.
We just stare at each other through that dance floor space. Me feeling that buzz of alcohol leaving me and him just giving me that stare. The tension in the air is so thick that a knife could even cut it. I threw caution to the wind and just gulped down another shot. Looked up and he was gone only to feel a breath at the back of my neck.
"Why aren't you dancing?", he asked and I just mumbled a reply of that I was but I was more comfortable standing nearby my table. He laughed a soft laugh and walked off saying suit yourself. Maybe it was liquid courage but I made my way to the dance floor. I knew there was a reason I never went clubbing, it's out of my league and I feel so out of place compared to all these other beautiful, tall, skinny,leggy girls.
I only found myself here because it was a company event. I wanted to skipped out on the after party but my ride decided to go too so I got dragged along. My favorite song came on and I just went for it and felt highly uncomfortable when a girl from my company who I barely knew grabbed onto me and tried dancing and even grinding with me. "Now I know why people get themselves wasted, no such awkward feelings when people are too shit drunk to care", that was my thought.
I noticed him staring at me dancing away, i loosened up the neat bun which I had on earlier not that I needed to since the pins have already fallen off while I was dancing anyways. I gave him a stare back and just smiled awkwardly. He seemed to be talking to a girl and the next time I turned around, he was gone.
I was tired, my ride was way too drunk hence in the end, I decided to just call a taxi to go home. He was standing outside of the club entrance smoking and he gave me a smirk. "Leaving? The night is still too young.", he said. "I'm tired and these places are never really my scene anyway." I replied.
"Well, you are right. You do look a little out of place in there, my little princess. Why not you just let me finish my cigarette and I'll take you home." He said with that cocky smirk of his. I just replied with a nod and a smile. Whatever happens next is anyone's guess.
Monday, July 28, 2014
I Did Wrong
They say time heals all wounds but does it really? Every time I see something that reminds me of you, it hurts. Every time I hear a song that reminds me of you, it hurts. Every time I hear a song that is in a different language and when I look up the translation of the lyrics and it relates to our past situation, it hurts.
I honestly wish I don't feel this way. I am very happy and contented in my current relationship but I think you broke all innocence and pure trust I had in love and relationships. I gave it my all but you never did but still I kept coming back to you and until this day, I still do not understand why I did so.
Everyone said you were not worth it, even when the scars and bruises were on me, I still kept trying, I still believed even though it was clear to everyone and probably even me that it was a false hope from the start of everything.
I heard everything, I read everything, I saw everything but yet I still wanted to believe that maybe I could be the one to change you...but unfortunately that was not the case. I still don't understand why my heart still aches and hurts whenever you do come into my mind.
I am over you but I think the scar you left in my heart was deeper than the bruises and scars you left on my physical body. We had our good days but we had our really awful screaming at each other and slamming each other against walls days.
Sometimes I wish things didn't end as bad as it did but it did happen that way. We never truly said any goodbyes because I think we both knew that there will never ever be a proper closure between us despite how much I wish for it.
All I can do is wish you well despite all that happened between us and even despite the dull pain and ache you left me with whenever I do recall you.
Maybe someday I will be able to recall you without feeling this way but at this point four years on, I can safely say I am unable to do so at this point.
You will probably never read this but if you ever do, just know that I did mean those 3 words back then but everything changed on 29th May 2010.
I honestly wish I don't feel this way. I am very happy and contented in my current relationship but I think you broke all innocence and pure trust I had in love and relationships. I gave it my all but you never did but still I kept coming back to you and until this day, I still do not understand why I did so.
Everyone said you were not worth it, even when the scars and bruises were on me, I still kept trying, I still believed even though it was clear to everyone and probably even me that it was a false hope from the start of everything.
I heard everything, I read everything, I saw everything but yet I still wanted to believe that maybe I could be the one to change you...but unfortunately that was not the case. I still don't understand why my heart still aches and hurts whenever you do come into my mind.
I am over you but I think the scar you left in my heart was deeper than the bruises and scars you left on my physical body. We had our good days but we had our really awful screaming at each other and slamming each other against walls days.
Sometimes I wish things didn't end as bad as it did but it did happen that way. We never truly said any goodbyes because I think we both knew that there will never ever be a proper closure between us despite how much I wish for it.
All I can do is wish you well despite all that happened between us and even despite the dull pain and ache you left me with whenever I do recall you.
Maybe someday I will be able to recall you without feeling this way but at this point four years on, I can safely say I am unable to do so at this point.
You will probably never read this but if you ever do, just know that I did mean those 3 words back then but everything changed on 29th May 2010.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Crush Risk
“A crush is just a crush until you act upon it ”
Crushing on someone when you know that you can never act on it is hard. It's even harder if you are in a place that you feel lonely & yet the person you click so well with is that same person that you have a crush on.
Unlike normal crushes, you cannot even let any feeling show cause you can't act upon it. A crush is supposed to be just crush but yet sometimes it's hard to not do anything.
Your heart skips a beat when it shouldn't. Your thoughts goes towards that person when you shouldn't. You can never take that risk of acting upon your feelings because everything you know might just crumble.
You know that it will never be permanent if you act upon it but sometimes when you are lonely, crazy thoughts come into your head. You are so afraid of getting too clingy or close that the person avoids you but you can't help doing so. It's almost as though you are in a trance.
You laugh, you smile, your heart skips a beat. You know you are playing with fire but you cannot help it.This fire will burn you & consume you & destroy everything that you know & feel if you go any further but yet danger seems tempting.
How do you even put a limit or even know a limit? The limit is set by you & that other person. You can't help who you are attracted but you can help by not head butting into danger zone. Sometimes you lose all sense & logic but then again when did feelings ever have logic?
“Rule by your heart but act by your brain ”
P/S I wrote this originally on my Dayre but decided to copy and share it here.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Where's The Limit?
How do you glide that line of being just friends and being friends with a slight limit?
That is a question that I tend to ask myself. I have always been closer to guys that for me, I never seem to really know what is the limit.
I have a bad habit of flirting unconsciously and sending out wrong signals without being aware of it. When I was single, people used to think I have several boyfriends because I can be asking my guy friends to give me a piggyback, a lift to places i need to be, having meals with me when i'm alone and even leaning on them when i am tired.
I have to admit that even in a relationship, the limit lines goes a bit blurry that i wasn't aware i sent out wrong signals and an unwanted kiss almost happened three years ago.
How do you know the limit? Sometimes there are just people you just really have that connection with and can continue talking with them till the end of the day and sometimes there are just people who still makes you feel that your heart skips a beat when you speak to them although you are in a relationship so how do you put a limit with the interaction?
Random thoughts on a Sunday night.
Friday, May 9, 2014
Ran The Course
Hi out there to whoever who still comes and visit this dust filled blog. I know, I have not posted in awhile and I can't even blame it on work.
I have been busy but then again,there have been some twist and turns around my life these past few months. I have made a decision to move on from my current job to a new job. It wasn't a easy decision to make. It took me a long time to contemplate but I remember what KZ said to me last year when I was thinking of taking my current job.
He told me to take a leap of faith and give everything a shot because at least if I did try, I can say I have been through it and not wonder what might have been.
I work in the social media line hence why I can't really talk much about my job due to all of the confidentiality agreements that I have had to sign but I can safely say this, I have learned a lot during the past 11 months at my current job.
I will always be grateful that my current company took me on and gave me a chance despite me having no working experience at all when I came on board. It is a very bitter sweet moment for me to leave. I will leaving my current place about a week plus and I can safely say that writing this post is not easy for me as I feel tears in my eyes.
This place made me grow up,made me think out of the box,challenged me out of my comfort zone and gave me smiles whenever I see great campaigns done by the brands I work on,either done locally or globally.
I remember a ex-director asking me less than a year ago on where I see myself in 5 years and I remember telling him that I see myself being in Australia and hopefully gone back to writing and doing freelance writing for magazines.
But after my experiences here, if you were to ask me on where I see myself in 5 years, I see myself hopefully being at a managerial level or even at a strategist level and thinking of great social media campaigns for my clients at a great agency or even on the client side.
Strange on how less than a year's experience really changes a person's perceptions and decision. I have my reasons for leaving my current company but let me say this, my current company has been nothing but great to me and taught me a lot. Sometimes,things have just ran its course and I will say that,for now,I have ran my course here and I will be moving on to another steeper course.
I will be moving to another agency and staying in the social media line but I will not disclose where. As I have said before, I like to keep what I do vague. I believe that even though my personal life and work life sometimes do merge due to the nature of my job,it is better to try to keep most things under wrap if possible.
Here's to moving on to a different course of my career and I can only hope that things will go better now.
I have been busy but then again,there have been some twist and turns around my life these past few months. I have made a decision to move on from my current job to a new job. It wasn't a easy decision to make. It took me a long time to contemplate but I remember what KZ said to me last year when I was thinking of taking my current job.
He told me to take a leap of faith and give everything a shot because at least if I did try, I can say I have been through it and not wonder what might have been.
I work in the social media line hence why I can't really talk much about my job due to all of the confidentiality agreements that I have had to sign but I can safely say this, I have learned a lot during the past 11 months at my current job.
I will always be grateful that my current company took me on and gave me a chance despite me having no working experience at all when I came on board. It is a very bitter sweet moment for me to leave. I will leaving my current place about a week plus and I can safely say that writing this post is not easy for me as I feel tears in my eyes.
This place made me grow up,made me think out of the box,challenged me out of my comfort zone and gave me smiles whenever I see great campaigns done by the brands I work on,either done locally or globally.
I remember a ex-director asking me less than a year ago on where I see myself in 5 years and I remember telling him that I see myself being in Australia and hopefully gone back to writing and doing freelance writing for magazines.
But after my experiences here, if you were to ask me on where I see myself in 5 years, I see myself hopefully being at a managerial level or even at a strategist level and thinking of great social media campaigns for my clients at a great agency or even on the client side.
Strange on how less than a year's experience really changes a person's perceptions and decision. I have my reasons for leaving my current company but let me say this, my current company has been nothing but great to me and taught me a lot. Sometimes,things have just ran its course and I will say that,for now,I have ran my course here and I will be moving on to another steeper course.
I will be moving to another agency and staying in the social media line but I will not disclose where. As I have said before, I like to keep what I do vague. I believe that even though my personal life and work life sometimes do merge due to the nature of my job,it is better to try to keep most things under wrap if possible.
Here's to moving on to a different course of my career and I can only hope that things will go better now.
Friday, February 14, 2014
#2014MBLChallenge Week 1-3
Hi everyone,
Yes I know I am more consistent with my Instagram updates than my blog :( Working in the social media line has it's drawbacks...sometimes you just don't want to face the computer and do more social media stuff when you are not working.
First of all, happy valentine's day to everyone!!! No matter what relationship status you are in,I hope you had a good one :)
I have been lessening my food portions and trying out different exercises over the past 3 weeks. I have tried brisk walking, walking the dog, cycling on the home exercise bike and also walking up and down the stairs of my office building.
I admit somedays I can feel a little lazy and slow it down a bit but I do try to put in a bit of exercise everyday even if it's just walking 2-5 floors a day,it does help a bit.
My diet isn't anything much. I just try to cut down on my portion and carbs and rice. However if my body craves for something, I give in and have a tiny portion or find healthier alternatives. There have been times I sinned over CNY but I have been trying to make up for it.
Anyways, these are my updates for these 3 weeks. Hope to update more soon :)
Yes I know I am more consistent with my Instagram updates than my blog :( Working in the social media line has it's drawbacks...sometimes you just don't want to face the computer and do more social media stuff when you are not working.
First of all, happy valentine's day to everyone!!! No matter what relationship status you are in,I hope you had a good one :)
I have been lessening my food portions and trying out different exercises over the past 3 weeks. I have tried brisk walking, walking the dog, cycling on the home exercise bike and also walking up and down the stairs of my office building.
I admit somedays I can feel a little lazy and slow it down a bit but I do try to put in a bit of exercise everyday even if it's just walking 2-5 floors a day,it does help a bit.
My diet isn't anything much. I just try to cut down on my portion and carbs and rice. However if my body craves for something, I give in and have a tiny portion or find healthier alternatives. There have been times I sinned over CNY but I have been trying to make up for it.
Anyways, these are my updates for these 3 weeks. Hope to update more soon :)
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
#2014MBLChallenge-Introduction
Hi there!
For those of you who are new to me and my blog, my name's Elle and i'm turning 24 this year which means I'm born in the year of the horse so this is my year! Whoppedo! I work in the social media line so essentially I'm a natural addict to social media so look out for my updates on my Instagram which is @elleally.
At the end of last year, I came across a posting about a new year's resolution contest on MyBurgerlab's Facebook. I thought "oh what the heck, I will just fill up the form and see if anything comes out of it. For all i know, I wouldn't even be picked cause my resolution is just so simple." Fast forward a few weeks later, I got a phone call from Renyi of MyBurgerlab saying that I've been picked as one of the ten finalists.
Truth be told, I have been trying and failing to lose weight so if I really get to do this, it would be great for me. I'm 149 cm which is like four feet nine inches however my clothes sizes ranges from size 14-16 and L to XL depending on brand and cutting due to my bulging tummy and my boobs.
It would be great if I could reduce my weight and fit better in clothes. I have just started week 1 of my resolution last week so look out for that post.
My resolution is to lose 5-10 kg by 31 July 2014 but ultimate goal is 12 kg. Please support me and the other finalists.
Find more information about this here: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.754158647929536.1073741835.366211383390933&type=1
Have a great week everyone!
For those of you who are new to me and my blog, my name's Elle and i'm turning 24 this year which means I'm born in the year of the horse so this is my year! Whoppedo! I work in the social media line so essentially I'm a natural addict to social media so look out for my updates on my Instagram which is @elleally.
At the end of last year, I came across a posting about a new year's resolution contest on MyBurgerlab's Facebook. I thought "oh what the heck, I will just fill up the form and see if anything comes out of it. For all i know, I wouldn't even be picked cause my resolution is just so simple." Fast forward a few weeks later, I got a phone call from Renyi of MyBurgerlab saying that I've been picked as one of the ten finalists.
Truth be told, I have been trying and failing to lose weight so if I really get to do this, it would be great for me. I'm 149 cm which is like four feet nine inches however my clothes sizes ranges from size 14-16 and L to XL depending on brand and cutting due to my bulging tummy and my boobs.
It would be great if I could reduce my weight and fit better in clothes. I have just started week 1 of my resolution last week so look out for that post.
My resolution is to lose 5-10 kg by 31 July 2014 but ultimate goal is 12 kg. Please support me and the other finalists.
Find more information about this here: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.754158647929536.1073741835.366211383390933&type=1
Have a great week everyone!
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