Infinite

*Possibly fiction

It was short but during that short period, I felt infinite. I felt like I could do anything, I felt like maybe I could finally stop, finally stop trying to find anything to numb up that pain. That pain which I couldn't explain. When I was with you, it felt like time stopped and it was only us. It felt like we could go against the world if we wanted to but I guess only I wanted to.

You made me feel beautiful, you made me felt like I was worthy to be loved despite all of the scars all along my wrists and the bruises left imprinted on my knuckles. You made me felt like I was the only princess in your eyes. You made me want to freeze time so that we would never move on from that moment.

That moment when we first held hands in your car, the moment you kissed me back when I kissed you for the first time, the moment that you held me so tight almost like you were holding me for the last time which I later knew it was the last. Love that was so perfect that it was so imperfect to shatter and break.

Some people say if you knew someone for almost 7 years, it is like a lifetime friendship, we knew each other for ten years back then. Will we ever move back to those days? I don't think we ever will but that short period of time was when I felt most joy and yet that short period of time is also what gives me the most hurt.

I keep my distance only because you can't tell me the truth. We are no longer teenagers and a young adult but yet when we speak, it felt like we went back in time. Will you ever tell me why you left me? You said your reasons but it did not feel real at all. It felt surreal, I heard your piece but I couldn't believe it.

Infinite, that's what you made me feel. Beautiful, that's what you made me feel. Numb, that's what you made me feel but ultimately pain is what you made me feel.

Occasionally

Occasionally my thoughts suffocates me and sometimes there is no outlet. Maybe sometimes the best way to forget is to lose some memories.

Everything is slightly imprinted in the way a touch feels or the way a voice sounds. Occasionally a spark is felt by a touch or a voice but you got to remind yourself that things are never that way anymore.

Occasionally you see a photo and you remember how happy you were in that photo only to also remember that an argument happened before the photo was taken or that things are not so picture perfect.

Forgetting is never easy but maybe, just maybe, it is possible.