Disclaimer:This is related to me being jobless again so if you are sick of reading about me saying things about being jobless then please wait for the next post,i won't promise it will be more interesting but i think it will be more enjoyable and funnier than reading about me being jobless...
So yeah,i met up with KZ over the weekend and let's just say,even at 25 turning 26,this guy has the ability to make little 22 turning 23 me (our birthdays are like less than a week apart) feel like i'm 13 all over again and he is the same 16 year old guy advising (although i must say it feels like he is sort of scolding me) me.
The dream job that i wanted? It went the way of the Titanic,hit the iceberg and has sunk into the bottom so in other words,i got rejected yet again. I realised that i have been using a lot of Titanic analogy in my conversations these days but then again,i guess it's another way to say that it is a finale in a most tragic sense.
I had a conversation with KZ earlier and i have actually been wondering if i went and did the wrong degree or my choice of wanting to be a journalist or writer is all wrong.He told me that he can't say for sure since he knows nothing about journalism or writing however he did ask me to give other stuff a try and he was like "well,just try for six months if you do get it and if after six months,you really don't like it and you are crying everyday in your car on your way home then start from scratch again but at least you did give it a try".
One more thing that he said that really made me feel like i was 13 again was that he told me to stop all of the drama and basically fake myself if i have to.Well,i got to say that what he said is true,i have this drama streak with me and sometimes (if not most of the time) i just brutally say what i want to say without necessarily taking people's feelings into consideration at all and yes,that is very high school of me.
His exact words were "stop all of the drama (insert the name he calls me here) and just kind of grow up,you are not in high school anymore.problems are things you tell close friends,your co-workers do not care.So if you have to fake it and have self deprecating humor then do so and maybe they will be more accepting".
So yeah...his advice does sting but it is true,people have come to a point that they are selfish and all they care is about themselves.Why would they care if i had a car breakdown or a fight with my bf or anything else at all? So maybe undervaluing myself and just act like i'm happy go lucky all the time and be extremely sociable might just work...
I love to think that being honest to a person is for their own good but i guess it's not very true after all...I'm still a bit mixed up on whether to give up in finding a job in writing and move on to other stuff like PR and advertising or just take a break.
Some of you might argue that i have been on a break for a long time however i have actually been actively looking for a job since December 2012 so yeah,i have not actually not mail out resumes for quite some time now.Hence i'm unsure if i should stop at the moment cause i feel neither here nor there but I know that there is something out there that is right for me however right now,i just can't see it and it seems quite bleak...
Although having conversations with KZ makes me feel like i'm 13 all over again,there is nothing i won't give to be that age again,at least just for a moment.Right now,i feel totally in between.I'm no longer in high school or college or even university but neither do i feel like an adult.I may be turning 23 but i still have that rebellious streak in me and in the words of Coldplay, "nobody said it was easy,nobody said it was gonna be this hard".
"I'll check in tomorrow if i don't wake up dead"- Alone Together by Fall Out Boy
Showing posts with label Fall Out Boy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fall Out Boy. Show all posts
Monday, April 15, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Those High School Years
I have been listening to the new Fall Out Boy album streaming on Youtube and it got me thinking about high school.Whenever i listen to Avril Lavigne,Skye Sweetnam,Paramore,Fall Out Boy,Good Charlotte,Blink-182,Linkin Park,Panic! At The Disco just to name a few,i think about high school.These were the bands that defined my high school years.
Took this during my high school graduation (i was so much skinnier :p)
It doesn't help that i had dreams lately of certain people significant during my high school years and i have been catching up with one of them,let's just call him KZ. Funnily enough,KZ and me actually did not meet in high school,we met when we were both in primary school but we never really got close until high school as he is three years older than me.
Yes, this was how i looked like at 17...
But one thing about KZ is that no matter how long we have not talked to each other,whenever he picks up the phone or calls me back,he just goes "hey,how's it going?" as though we just spoke yesterday or the day before.There's no such thing as awkward silences between us somehow which is ironic considering i actually had the biggest crush on him when i was 13 but he being him let me down nicely and somehow over the years,we just managed to maintain this odd yet comfortable friendship.
Yes i was the rebel,i tried burning stuff with the Bunsen burner and got my friend to take pictures of me with my cellphone and i did not tie my hair up although i had been asked to do so a lot of times by many prefects
I spoke to him couple of days back after not calling him for like almost 3 years? (yes,i know i'm not a very good friend) and i thought it would be like totally awkward however he just made it so easy to talk and spill everything to him.
I'm sure some of you do wonder if WH is comfortable with all this going on,let's just say he's not super comfortable but we kind of agreed to compromise in the sense that i will meet KZ with him and he gets to know KZ and hopefully find that KZ is a pretty ok guy.
Evidence of me sleeping in class
The thing is that i hope it won't be awkward as i have not seen KZ at all for like 8-9 years now (we just didn't seem to meet up after he left high school,we talked over the phone and stuff and kept saying we should meet up but somehow,i don't know why,we never seem to actually meet)
Yes,i did not even secretly take pictures with my cellphone,i was openly doing it :P
Anyways,let's get back to the topic at hand,high school.I was most awkward during my high school years (not to say i'm not still awkward now) I had crushes all the time and one of them was on like the most popular cute guy who had a posse of his own which i got bullied from,i even had them spitting ice at me before,teasing me from three floors above among other stuff they did...needless to say,not memories i like to remember.
Yes,i even camwhored in class
I was the rebel,i got into fights (yes,i punched some dude and i got one back on my face),i picked fights with the seniors,i slept in class and ate in class like nobody's business.I even skipped classes by hiding in my junior's class.The only skipping i never did was actually to climb the wall and jump out of school although i was tempted to do so :P
I even brought illegal items to school like mp3 player and my cell phone.I was lucky to have the thin Motorola phone that i could hide in my shoe however it got confiscated once and i had to ask my mum to lie to the school and get it back for me...those were the days in high school.
Come to think of it,i have always been a rebel even in primary school.I actually went and chased after seniors who were like standard 5 or 6 when i was in standard 3 if they teased my girls and i actually threatened to beat them up.imagine a pint sized little girl threatening the seniors which are guys.If i'm not mistaken,that was actually how KZ got to know me cause i remember him coming up to me when i was waiting for my mum and asked if i was that tiny little girl who he heard about going after the seniors and threatening them.
I was the rebel to wear my checkered Vans shoes to a school outing with my school uniform and even camwhored in the bathroom and made others wait for me :P
That's a funny memory actually,i do wonder if he remembers that.Well,i guess i'm still a little like that.I can never stand it if people trash my friends and i would stand up to them no matter how small size i am compared to those people.
And here i am going off topic again but that is also like me during high school,i can never stay focused in class,i was always daydreaming or writing stories and fanfictions or better yet,i was sleeping @-@ Needless to say,i wasn't exactly the teacher's pet except the English teachers.
Once in awhile,i do miss high school.It felt complicated when i was going through it but right now compared to everything else,it was my most memorable years.Of course,it doesn't help that whenever i talk to KZ or any of the boys i knew during my high school years,i feel that age again.That innocence,that rebelling person.
KZ makes me feel like i'm 13 again and admiring him for being more mature and knowing just how to advice me and Ryo makes me feel like i'm 16-17 again and hanging out with him in his class and not getting caught for cutting class since teachers will not bother looking for me in a junior's class.Whenever i do somehow think about Shawn Yue,i feel 16 and feel that heartbreak all over again (it's a too long story that i do not wish to expand but i confessed to him,he said ok then later he took it back,well i felt like he ripped my heart out and let's just say his name filled a lot of pages in my journal back then)
I do miss high school and even though i'm going to turn 23 next month,i never feel much older actually and quoting Avril Lavigne, here's to never growing up
Took this during my high school graduation (i was so much skinnier :p)
It doesn't help that i had dreams lately of certain people significant during my high school years and i have been catching up with one of them,let's just call him KZ. Funnily enough,KZ and me actually did not meet in high school,we met when we were both in primary school but we never really got close until high school as he is three years older than me.
Yes, this was how i looked like at 17...
But one thing about KZ is that no matter how long we have not talked to each other,whenever he picks up the phone or calls me back,he just goes "hey,how's it going?" as though we just spoke yesterday or the day before.There's no such thing as awkward silences between us somehow which is ironic considering i actually had the biggest crush on him when i was 13 but he being him let me down nicely and somehow over the years,we just managed to maintain this odd yet comfortable friendship.
Yes i was the rebel,i tried burning stuff with the Bunsen burner and got my friend to take pictures of me with my cellphone and i did not tie my hair up although i had been asked to do so a lot of times by many prefects
I spoke to him couple of days back after not calling him for like almost 3 years? (yes,i know i'm not a very good friend) and i thought it would be like totally awkward however he just made it so easy to talk and spill everything to him.
I'm sure some of you do wonder if WH is comfortable with all this going on,let's just say he's not super comfortable but we kind of agreed to compromise in the sense that i will meet KZ with him and he gets to know KZ and hopefully find that KZ is a pretty ok guy.
Evidence of me sleeping in class
The thing is that i hope it won't be awkward as i have not seen KZ at all for like 8-9 years now (we just didn't seem to meet up after he left high school,we talked over the phone and stuff and kept saying we should meet up but somehow,i don't know why,we never seem to actually meet)
Yes,i did not even secretly take pictures with my cellphone,i was openly doing it :P
Anyways,let's get back to the topic at hand,high school.I was most awkward during my high school years (not to say i'm not still awkward now) I had crushes all the time and one of them was on like the most popular cute guy who had a posse of his own which i got bullied from,i even had them spitting ice at me before,teasing me from three floors above among other stuff they did...needless to say,not memories i like to remember.
Yes,i even camwhored in class
I was the rebel,i got into fights (yes,i punched some dude and i got one back on my face),i picked fights with the seniors,i slept in class and ate in class like nobody's business.I even skipped classes by hiding in my junior's class.The only skipping i never did was actually to climb the wall and jump out of school although i was tempted to do so :P
I even brought illegal items to school like mp3 player and my cell phone.I was lucky to have the thin Motorola phone that i could hide in my shoe however it got confiscated once and i had to ask my mum to lie to the school and get it back for me...those were the days in high school.
Come to think of it,i have always been a rebel even in primary school.I actually went and chased after seniors who were like standard 5 or 6 when i was in standard 3 if they teased my girls and i actually threatened to beat them up.imagine a pint sized little girl threatening the seniors which are guys.If i'm not mistaken,that was actually how KZ got to know me cause i remember him coming up to me when i was waiting for my mum and asked if i was that tiny little girl who he heard about going after the seniors and threatening them.
I was the rebel to wear my checkered Vans shoes to a school outing with my school uniform and even camwhored in the bathroom and made others wait for me :P
That's a funny memory actually,i do wonder if he remembers that.Well,i guess i'm still a little like that.I can never stand it if people trash my friends and i would stand up to them no matter how small size i am compared to those people.
And here i am going off topic again but that is also like me during high school,i can never stay focused in class,i was always daydreaming or writing stories and fanfictions or better yet,i was sleeping @-@ Needless to say,i wasn't exactly the teacher's pet except the English teachers.
Once in awhile,i do miss high school.It felt complicated when i was going through it but right now compared to everything else,it was my most memorable years.Of course,it doesn't help that whenever i talk to KZ or any of the boys i knew during my high school years,i feel that age again.That innocence,that rebelling person.
KZ makes me feel like i'm 13 again and admiring him for being more mature and knowing just how to advice me and Ryo makes me feel like i'm 16-17 again and hanging out with him in his class and not getting caught for cutting class since teachers will not bother looking for me in a junior's class.Whenever i do somehow think about Shawn Yue,i feel 16 and feel that heartbreak all over again (it's a too long story that i do not wish to expand but i confessed to him,he said ok then later he took it back,well i felt like he ripped my heart out and let's just say his name filled a lot of pages in my journal back then)
I do miss high school and even though i'm going to turn 23 next month,i never feel much older actually and quoting Avril Lavigne, here's to never growing up
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