Crushing on someone when you know that you can never act on it is hard. It's even harder if you are in a place that you feel lonely & yet the person you click so well with is that same person that you have a crush on.
Unlike normal crushes, you cannot even let any feeling show cause you can't act upon it. A crush is supposed to be just crush but yet sometimes it's hard to not do anything.
Your heart skips a beat when it shouldn't. Your thoughts goes towards that person when you shouldn't. You can never take that risk of acting upon your feelings because everything you know might just crumble.
You know that it will never be permanent if you act upon it but sometimes when you are lonely, crazy thoughts come into your head.You are so afraid of getting too clingy or close that the person avoids you but you can't help doing so. It's almost as though you are in a trance.
You laugh, you smile, your heart skips a beat. You know you are playing with fire but you cannot help it.This fire will burn you & consume you & destroy everything that you know & feel if you go any further but yet danger seems tempting.
How do you even put a limit or even know a limit? The limit is set by you & that other person. You can't help who you are attracted but you can help by not head butting into danger zone.Sometimes you lose all sense & logic but then again when did feelings ever have logic?
“Rule by your heart but act by your brain ”
P/S I wrote this originally on my Dayre but decided to copy and share it here.
How do you glide that line of being just friends and being friends with a slight limit?
That is a question that I tend to ask myself. I have always been closer to guys that for me, I never seem to really know what is the limit.
I have a bad habit of flirting unconsciously and sending out wrong signals without being aware of it. When I was single, people used to think I have several boyfriends because I can be asking my guy friends to give me a piggyback, a lift to places i need to be, having meals with me when i'm alone and even leaning on them when i am tired.
I have to admit that even in a relationship, the limit lines goes a bit blurry that i wasn't aware i sent out wrong signals and an unwanted kiss almost happened three years ago.
How do you know the limit? Sometimes there are just people you just really have that connection with and can continue talking with them till the end of the day and sometimes there are just people who still makes you feel that your heart skips a beat when you speak to them although you are in a relationship so how do you put a limit with the interaction?
I have been listening to the new Fall Out Boy album streaming on Youtube and it got me thinking about high school.Whenever i listen to Avril Lavigne,Skye Sweetnam,Paramore,Fall Out Boy,Good Charlotte,Blink-182,Linkin Park,Panic! At The Disco just to name a few,i think about high school.These were the bands that defined my high school years.
Took this during my high school graduation (i was so much skinnier :p)
It doesn't help that i had dreams lately of certain people significant during my high school years and i have been catching up with one of them,let's just call him KZ. Funnily enough,KZ and me actually did not meet in high school,we met when we were both in primary school but we never really got close until high school as he is three years older than me.
Yes, this was how i looked like at 17...
But one thing about KZ is that no matter how long we have not talked to each other,whenever he picks up the phone or calls me back,he just goes "hey,how's it going?" as though we just spoke yesterday or the day before.There's no such thing as awkward silences between us somehow which is ironic considering i actually had the biggest crush on him when i was 13 but he being him let me down nicely and somehow over the years,we just managed to maintain this odd yet comfortable friendship.
Yes i was the rebel,i tried burning stuff with the Bunsen burner and got my friend to take pictures of me with my cellphone and i did not tie my hair up although i had been asked to do so a lot of times by many prefects
I spoke to him couple of days back after not calling him for like almost 3 years? (yes,i know i'm not a very good friend) and i thought it would be like totally awkward however he just made it so easy to talk and spill everything to him.
I'm sure some of you do wonder if WH is comfortable with all this going on,let's just say he's not super comfortable but we kind of agreed to compromise in the sense that i will meet KZ with him and he gets to know KZ and hopefully find that KZ is a pretty ok guy.
Evidence of me sleeping in class
The thing is that i hope it won't be awkward as i have not seen KZ at all for like 8-9 years now (we just didn't seem to meet up after he left high school,we talked over the phone and stuff and kept saying we should meet up but somehow,i don't know why,we never seem to actually meet)
Yes,i did not even secretly take pictures with my cellphone,i was openly doing it :P
Anyways,let's get back to the topic at hand,high school.I was most awkward during my high school years (not to say i'm not still awkward now) I had crushes all the time and one of them was on like the most popular cute guy who had a posse of his own which i got bullied from,i even had them spitting ice at me before,teasing me from three floors above among other stuff they did...needless to say,not memories i like to remember.
Yes,i even camwhored in class
I was the rebel,i got into fights (yes,i punched some dude and i got one back on my face),i picked fights with the seniors,i slept in class and ate in class like nobody's business.I even skipped classes by hiding in my junior's class.The only skipping i never did was actually to climb the wall and jump out of school although i was tempted to do so :P
I even brought illegal items to school like mp3 player and my cell phone.I was lucky to have the thin Motorola phone that i could hide in my shoe however it got confiscated once and i had to ask my mum to lie to the school and get it back for me...those were the days in high school.
Come to think of it,i have always been a rebel even in primary school.I actually went and chased after seniors who were like standard 5 or 6 when i was in standard 3 if they teased my girls and i actually threatened to beat them up.imagine a pint sized little girl threatening the seniors which are guys.If i'm not mistaken,that was actually how KZ got to know me cause i remember him coming up to me when i was waiting for my mum and asked if i was that tiny little girl who he heard about going after the seniors and threatening them.
I was the rebel to wear my checkered Vans shoes to a school outing with my school uniform and even camwhored in the bathroom and made others wait for me :P
That's a funny memory actually,i do wonder if he remembers that.Well,i guess i'm still a little like that.I can never stand it if people trash my friends and i would stand up to them no matter how small size i am compared to those people.
And here i am going off topic again but that is also like me during high school,i can never stay focused in class,i was always daydreaming or writing stories and fanfictions or better yet,i was sleeping @-@ Needless to say,i wasn't exactly the teacher's pet except the English teachers.
Once in awhile,i do miss high school.It felt complicated when i was going through it but right now compared to everything else,it was my most memorable years.Of course,it doesn't help that whenever i talk to KZ or any of the boys i knew during my high school years,i feel that age again.That innocence,that rebelling person.
KZ makes me feel like i'm 13 again and admiring him for being more mature and knowing just how to advice me and Ryo makes me feel like i'm 16-17 again and hanging out with him in his class and not getting caught for cutting class since teachers will not bother looking for me in a junior's class.Whenever i do somehow think about Shawn Yue,i feel 16 and feel that heartbreak all over again (it's a too long story that i do not wish to expand but i confessed to him,he said ok then later he took it back,well i felt like he ripped my heart out and let's just say his name filled a lot of pages in my journal back then)
I do miss high school and even though i'm going to turn 23 next month,i never feel much older actually and quoting Avril Lavigne, here's to never growing up
I've been listening to these two songs a lot these days and it has got me thinking.The two songs are nice guys by Chester see, kevjumba & Ryan higa plus good girls by gzee,ms hyper singer,the pharmer girl & dee.Basically its just talking about how nice guys and good girls turn themselves into someone else because nice guys and good girls supposedly finish last.
It really makes me wonder do nice guys and good girls really finish last? Maybe yes and maybe no because from my observation,usually bad boys always get the girls and the sexier girls have a easier time getting guys but honestly how many of those relationships really last?
I've been with normal,neutral,good as in nice and bad guys.From my observation,bad boys are more exciting,more fun because you can never predict what are they gonna do next where else with nice guys,its more predictable,more steady that sometimes it does get to a point that people will say 'boring' (insert sarcastic tone here) however I've realised that those relationships are for the best because steady is good compared to excitement that comes and goes.
When a relationship is steady,people tend to make more effort to keep the relationship going as they never exactly feel its boring or lost its spark because things have always been steady however compared to relationships that is excitement,excitement,excitement and then it dies off,people have to make more of an extra effort to keep things going and eventually they might tire of it,that's my observation.
I've tried dressing sexier,wearing makeup,doing my hair in different styles to attract the 'bad guys' but in the end i find that being the good girl is more me,more comfortable and if the guy can't love you for being you then maybe he is never the guy you needed/wanted at all.
Nice guys/good girls never finish last because it takes the right guy/girl to appreciate them and I've found my nice guy to appreciate my good girl side :)
Its now 30th January 2011.On Tuesday,it will be the 2nd month into 2011.Times passes by so fast.So far in January,i've learned a few things about myself and about people.I'll probably do a monthly post about things that i've learned so far in 2011.
Things i've learned so far in January 2011
I can slowly but surely trust again without hesitating.
Rejection won't break me but i can surely learn to ignore it and move on
People will always talk so either give them something worthy enough to talk about or ignore them and move on because dwelling on things does not help the matter or your feelings at all
swings will always make me happy
I can smile in photographs,it just depends on who is taking the photograph
I'm slowly loving more colours and am leaning towards more colourful accessories and clothing
I'm starting to love vintage looking dresses and clothing and accessories
people will either sugarcoat their words or be extremely brutal so be careful and look beyond the words and between the lines
I've learned that it is ok to be fearful of losing someone or something important and that it is not weak to feel that way
Friends who really love you will be there for you if you really need them even if its 2 in the morning
It doesn't take much to make someone happy,just a bit of attention sometimes will actually do the trick
I've learned that it is ok to feel happy and love again
I know its not your fault, but I’m a locked door Anytime I’m a mess by someone before And I wish that I, I could find a key To unlock all the things that you want us to be Let me open up and start again, But there’s a safe around my heart I don’t know how to let you in, And that’s what keeps us apart And that’s why I need time. I said I need you, I need you to understand, you, you, you I need you to understand, you, you, you
Call up the locksmith, Tell him we need him quick We’ve got a million keys,? None of them seem to fit While your on the phone, Call up the clocksmith, Cuz I could use some time, Even the slightest bit Let me open up and start again, And break this safe around my heart I don’t know how to let you in, And that’s what keeps us apart And that’s why I need time I said I need you I need you to understand, you, you, you I need you to understand, you, you, you
I’m thinking now’s the time, Maybe its time to go, if I gave you my heart, be gentle, I’m tired of laying low, lets give the world a show And when you know, you know, And when you know, you know, you know And when you know, you know, you know, you know And that’s why I need time
I said I need you, I need you to understand, you, you, you (x2) I need you to understand (x4) I need you (x3) I need you, you, you
i gave you my number.i know that you won't text or call me.its ok.at least for once,i did something out of my norm.i don't know why i can't help but recall your face.its almost like that big bang song called beautiful hangover.haha.i don't even go to that starbucks you work at often.i think you know i kept looking at you.its been awhile since i blushed so much.in fact i don't even think i have ever blushed that much.lil blushs and smiles.
these few days after watching Rachel Berry singing Paramore's "The Only Exception" on Glee and dedicating it to Finn saying he's her only exception,i've been listening to the song a lot.it has gotten to a point whereby i have been doing a lot of reflecting.i find it sad to say that i've not found the only exception.not with my ex-domo or even J or Steven.i think those were the ones i fell for and was in love with the most but unfortunately they were not the only exception.
In some ways,i think no matter which guy got to my heart even for a brief moment,i tend to build up a shield.a forcefield if you may say so and yet it feels slightly comfortable and also at the same time uncomfortable.sometimes i envy people who can so easily find their only exception and sometimes i feel sad for those people who along with me who have to keep falling and hurting and not knowing if we would ever find the only exception for us.
To be honest,i really thought my ex-domo was the only exception for me but when i reflect back upon everything,maybe i thought so because i wanted him to be my only exception so badly and yet when everything fell apart,i did hurt but it was more of a regret hurt than a bittersweet hurt because i do regret so many things that happened in that relationship.the tears,the fights,the shouting,the screaming and at end of it all,the silence on the other line.
If he was really the only exception for me,i guess the hurt would be slightly more bittersweet than regret.i do not regret falling in love with him or the relationship because i did learn and grow from it but i do regret what happened and how it ended.i guess every relationship has its’ lessons.
Some days i really do fear that i can’t find the only exception for me and that i would always feel slightly afraid to just take a risk and love because even though i learned from every relationship i’ve been through,i realised that i build up a stronger force shield after every break up just to protect myself and in the words of Gio to Betty in Ugly Betty,”you’re living in Betty Suarez land”.Gio said that because although Betty thought she broke up with Gio for his own good so that she could get to know herself and take more risks and also to protect herself from hurt,she ended up hurting him and also herself instead.
in a sense,maybe i’m living in my land or world and maybe i do forget that people have feelings and i hurt people just to protect myself from being hurt but i end up being the one to hurt me and i regret it.i guess i regret a lot of things which i do not wish to disclose publicly.its too personal in a way.in a strange reflective sense,maybe its ok that my only exception will take it's time to appear to me.maybe things would just be slightly alright if i keep pushing on and trying because the world keeps spinning and sometimes there’s just nothing you can do about the things that can’t be changed.to those who are searching for their only exception,good luck and never fear to love.
i'm slightly emo today so forgive my post.all based on my opinions and me being slightly irrationally emo and wanna rant.
In my opinion,pretty girls rule the world.they so get away with a lot of things.even guys go for them more based on looks.pretty girls can have piercings and tattoos but its ok for them cause it 'enhances' their beauty but lets put it this way,if a plus sized girl have tattoos and piercings because its her way to express herself,people judge her like 'omg,she must be a bad girl' and bla bla bla.
For me,i've never thought i was cute or pretty or beautiful.that's my judgement on myself.pretty girls get away with hanging out with guys but for me,God only knows how i feel when i feel the stares on me or even hear the whispers behind my back when i hang out with the boys.Even one time,one of my 'friend' actually said literally behind me stuff like 'my gosh,she has like a guy for every class'.
At one point of time,The Boi & also The Guy accompanied me to some of my classes if we happen to have the same timing or if they are free to accompany me.that girl said that while she was sitting in the row behind me and loud enough for me to hear it.it took all of my willpower not to march up to her and actually shout at her for it because that was so judgemental!she don't even know me very well enough.i've always been more comfortable with guys ever since i was young so for me to hang out with the boys,its not weird for me.
For me,i've always seen pretty girls hanging out with guys and no one much gives her grief about it.even if some girls whisper about it,other people dismiss it as those girls are jealous of the pretty girl.As for me,i always get the stares and the whispers and the questions like 'omg,are you with another guy already' and many other idiotic questions which sometimes i don't even wanna dignify it with an answer.
I'm always the girl to hear of guys telling me like 'omg,this girl is so hot,i wanna go after her' or 'this pretty girl is my target' and stuff.see the pattern there which is 'hot or pretty'? no like 'i like her personality' or 'she is nice to me' which i find it so absurd.think 20-30 years later,when the girl is no longer pretty or hot then go for another girl?
i'm just basically ranting here.sometimes i wish things is slightly more equal between all types of girls and i'm mean enough to say this at this point,guys stop thinking with your you know what or just looking with your eyes.think with your brain and look with your heart.that's all.kthxbai.
I downloaded this song by Eminem featuring Rihanna without knowing exactly what the song is about.When i first listened to it,i thought "cool,it has nice beats,Rihanna sounds good and really good rapping by Eminem" and then i googled the lyrics.Trust me,i shuddered when i read the lyrics because its about abusive relationships.
I've been in that situation just a couple of months before.I do not want to disclose what happened exactly but now i feel that i should have gotten out of that situation sooner.I guess love sometimes really makes someone blind.The music video was released on Thursday night.I watched it yesterday and i was actually shivering because some of the things in the video has actually happened to me before.
Its painful.Its not the physical pain that i have to live with,its more on emotional and mental.Day by day,these thoughts run through my mind such as "did he really love me?was it just a difficult relationship?if i had stayed,would things have gotten better?" This is a difficult topic for me to blog on as i really believe that is really personal and its the first time i'm publicly acknowledging this.
I used to have all sorts of questions when i hear of people being in a abusive relationship and still staying in it like why don't they just leave?Now having been in one myself,i totally understand their reasons.When you love someone so much,you would like to believe that eventually things will work out and that if you just stay and try to work it out,it will.
To be honest,this song is talking about Eminem & his ex-wife Kim's volatile relationship.I used to wonder why they kept breaking up and getting back together but i totally understand now.Not that i would go back to that situation ever again and now i know of signs to watch out for but i understand when you love someone so badly,you just want everything to work out.
I keep looping this song because its an emotional release for me but i can't watch the music video too much as its too disturbing for me because it feels too real for me.Guys,when a girl really loves you,even if she's a bitch normally,she would swallow her pride down and keep it quiet just to make things work.Treat girls better.Girls,stand up for yourself no matter how much you love someone because it takes two parties to make a relationship work.
lyrics for the song
Just gonna stand there And watch me burn But that's alright Because I like The way it hurts Just gonna stand there And hear me cry But that's alright Because I love The way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie
I can't tell you what it really is I can only tell you what it feels like And right now there's a steel knife In my windpipe I can't breathe But I still fight While I can fight As long as the wrong feels right It's like I'm in flight High of a love Drunk from the hate It's like I'm huffing paint And I love it the more that I suffer I sufficate And right before im about to drown She resuscitates me She fucking hates me And I love it Wait Where you going I'm leaving you No you ain't Come back We're running right back Here we go again It's so insane Cause when it's going good It's going great I'm Superman With the wind in his bag She's Lois Lane But when it's bad It's awful I feel so ashamed I snap Who's that dude I don't even know his name I laid hands on her I'll never stoop so low again I guess I don't know my own strength
Just gonna stand there And watch me burn But that's alright Because I like The way it hurts Just gonna stand there And hear me cry But that's alright Because I love The way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie
You ever love somebody so much You can barely breathe When you're with them You meet And neither one of you Even know what hit 'em Got that warm fuzzy feeling Yeah them chills Used to get 'em Now you're getting fucking sick Of looking at 'em You swore you've never hit 'em Never do nothing to hurt 'em Now you're in each other's face Spewing venom And these words When you spit 'em You push Pull each other's hair Scratch, claw, bit 'em Throw 'em down Pin 'em So lost in the moments When you're in 'em It's the rage that took over It controls you both So they say it's best To go your separate ways Guess that they don't know ya Cause today That was yesterday Yesterday is over It's a different day Sound like broken records Playin' over But you promised her Next time you'll show restraint You don't get another chance Life is no Nintendo game But you lied again Now you get to watch her leave Out the window Guess that's why they call it window pane
Just gonna stand there And watch me burn But that's alright Because I like The way it hurts Just gonna stand there And hear me cry But that's alright Because I love The way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie
Now I know we said things Did things That we didn't mean And we fall back Into the same patterns Same routine But your temper's just as bad As mine is You're the same as me But when it comes to love You're just as blinded Baby please come back It wasn't you Baby it was me Maybe our relationship Isn't as crazy as it seems Maybe that's what happens When a tornado meets a volcano All I know is I love you too much To walk away though Come inside Pick up your bags off the sidewalk Don't you hear sincerity In my voice when I talk Told you this is my fault Look me in the eyeball Next time I'm pissed I'll aim my fist At the dry wall Next time There will be no next time I apologize Even though I know it's lies I'm tired of the games I just want her back I know I'm a liar If she ever tries to fucking leave again I'mma tie her to the bed And set the house on fire
Just gonna stand there And watch me burn But that's alright Because I like The way it hurts Just gonna stand there And hear me cry But that's alright Because I love The way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie
P/s please do not post comments trashing anybody as it will not be approved.This is just my take on what i have been through.Thanks.
Relationships.I've become very jaded and cynical of them.I keep seeing relationships crumble around me and it really makes me wonder sometimes whether everything is even worth the hurt we go through when we love.
I was at a press conference today.One of the speakers were mentioning on why the story she shared is so sad.She said her reason in a context that implies because love is not like fairy tales,its not simple and it does hurt.It really does.As much as i love chick flicks and love stories,i have come to realise that love does hurt.
The more you love,the more you hurt actually because you put so much of yourself into it.We women aren't like men.We just can't fake relationships as well as men.No matter how much we try not to,we tend to put a bit of ourselves into love eventhough we know it will just end up hurting us.
I've been through many different kind of guys and relationships and each one hurt more than the last.Honestly,i would love to say that i learned something from my past and take it to the next relationship but no relationships are the same.They are not made by cookie cutters whereby everyone of the relationship would turn out the same hence some lessons you can apply but not all.
Guys.I've been through guys who were sweet at first then turned sour,guys who fell out of love because of time and distance,guys who were really the nicest but just can't fall in love,guys who were so hot and cold that you just feel so sick of it,guys who appear so nice in front of everyone else and does treat you nice but behind closed doors,things were never as good as they appear to be and also guys who keeps giving you hope and keeps pouring cold water onto it.
I would honestly love to say that yes,i do still believe in love and i would take my lessons and bring it to my next relationship but i can't.Its not because i don't believe in love or that i don't want to.Its only because it hurts way too much to keep loving,to keep throwing myself into things that are so uncertain.I throw myself into my assignments because as long as i keep working at it,i know there would be good results.As for love,no matter how much i throw myself into it or work at it,all it seems to do is keep breaking my heart over and over again.
If i do love again,the person i do love would have to handle me as i am.All my fears,my paranoia,my ugliness,my scars but most of all,my heart.Sad to say this but honestly,i don't want to give my whole heart anymore because every single time i do so,it just gets crushed over and over again and i'm sick of it.
This is not a self pity post but rather a reflective one on what i feel about love (as in love in a relationship type of love)and relationships at the moment.Maybe it seems really emotional but honestly that's how i feel right now.I feel emotional,jaded and cynical about relationships but then again,as Paramore sang 'that's what you get when you let your heart win'
mood:emo-y listening to:Down by Blink-182,I Miss You by Blink-182,Always by Blink-182,Seventeen Forever by Metro Station,All You Wanted by Michelle Branch,Fallen Through by Skye Sweetnam
I have this distinct feeling that i just feel like i wanna be taken care of for a bit. A nagging feeling that does no good to me. I seem happy but i can't seem to feel it.
Lil smiles,lil laughs & lil tears. I am not hankering for a relationship now but neither am i happy being alone. Love,hate.Its simple yet oh so complicated
Risks.Should i or should i not? After all,you only live once. I crashed and burn so many times that i can't find the strengh to just go through it anymore
Don't you ever get the feeling like gosh,haven't i been here before? Sometimes i feel like giving up on this maze.
mood:happy & perky listening to:Homecoming by Hey Monday,Gu Dan Mo Tian Lun by Fahrenheit,Right Round by Flo Rida,I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor by Arctic Monkeys,Heaven by Big Bang,How You Love Me Now by Hey Monday,Hey Brittany by Forever The Sickest Kids,Huo Zhe Viva by Nicholas Tse,Life Goes On by Chemistry,Just Dance by Lady Gaga,Now That We're Done by Metro Station,Kiss A Girl by Skye Sweetnam,Poker Face by Lady Gaga,Last Farewell by Big Bang,Love Story by Rain,Oh Sizuka by Pop Shuvit,One Of The Boys by Katy Perry,Pressure by Paramore,Reach Out by Hilary Duff,Sha Sha De Yong Qi by Fahrenheit,There Is by Box Car Racer,She's A Lady by Forever The Sickest Kids
hey all,
my b'day is on the 5th May.Coming in like 2 weeks plus time.anywayz...this is my list of 19 things i want & want to do b4 i turn 21st(i'll add more once i did the things and 19 becoz i'm turning 19 as hard as it is to believe...)
19 things i want for my 19th b'day
1) hair makeover (done,thanks to mummy dearest) 2) driving licence (yes,i still can't drive...anybody willing to pay for a instructor and my exams for me???) 3) Estee Lauder Model Search Makeover Package/day at the spa (i've not ever been to a spa) 4) 1TB external hard disk (to store my Japanese/Taiwanese/korean dramas,animes,music,pics and random stuff) 5) a Sony Vaio or Dell laptop in red,black,pink or apple green colour (preferbally 3/4GB ram & 320/380 hard disk space) 6)everything Domokon from Action City in the Gardens Mid Valley.Domokon t-shirts and caps are accepted as well (yes,i'm in love with that thing.I want every single Domokon from Action City in the Gardens Mid Valley,i don't care if its the same thing,just that diff size.I want every size!!!Even the handbag!In case you don't know what Domukon is,here are pics for your info
The Domokon (taken from cincauhangus.com)
Coloured version of Domokon (taken from Goggle.com)
7)Mokona from xxxholic or The Chronicle Of The Wings a.k.a Tsubasa (if you can find coz its pretty hard to find,soft toy or keychain or anythin Mokona also can)once again,pics for your info
I like the black Mokona
white Mokona is not bad also
8) treats at Starbucks for my whole b'day month 9) a road trip down to Mallaca/Penang/Ipoh or Singapore the weekend b4 my b'day (2nd-3rd or 4th May)/a trip to Sunway Lagoon all expense paid for 10) a trip to the cd store and get some cds i want and also several dvds of Japanese/Taiwanese/korean series 11) Better yet,just get me Folie A Deux by Fall Out Boy,The Fame by Lady Gaga,Jinius At Work by Jin Hackman,Rainism by Rain (that Korean Singer) albums by Fahrenheit a.k.a Fei Lun Hai,Big Bang (Korean group) cds,One Of The Boys by Katy Perry,albums by Paramore plus dvds of theHanazakarino Kimitachihe (Taiwan Version) series and Hanazakari no Kimitachi e Ikemen Paradise (Japanese Version) series,Hana Yori Dango 1 & 2 (the Taiwanese version which is Meteor Garden 1 & 2 and the Japanese version) series,Honey & Clover (the anime,the Japanese version & the Taiwanese version) series,Akihabara@DEEP (Japanese series starring Toma Ikuta) & Maou (Japanese series starring Toma Ikuta) along with the specials (Japanese series always have specials)[The dvds must have English or Malay subtitles,preferbally English because i can't understand Mandarin & Japanese] *yes,i love my music and J-dramas esspecially ones with Toma Ikuta,salivating ;p Goggle them k?too many pics i would have to upload 12) a whole day of photoshooting (me as the model..yes,me is narcissistic) 13) clubbing & drinks without paying (as in its my b'day treat so you pay for me) 14) cupcakes for my b'day cake with Domokons,Mokonas,Patricks from Spongebob Squarepants,Spongebob Squarepants' and Avril Lavigne's star logo from the Let Go album all over the cupcakes 15) headphone for my upstairs pc(so i can watch my dramas/animes and listen to my music in peace 16) mirrors for my room (yes,i still don't have a mirror) 17) Flash Diffuser/extra battery/external flash/extra memory card/camera bag for my baby (Canon EOS 450D) 18) tickets to Lee Hom's concert or Vertical Horizon in Singapore (if i don't go for road trip) 19) the last thing i want is just for ppl to remember my b'day and to wish me :)
19 things i want to do before i turn 21
1) get into Zouk (illegally...) 2) club all night,crash in a friend's car in the col carpark and wake up for classes straightaway (parents would kill me...) 3) go on a roadtrip either with the guys,my babes or Secret,Kelvin & my bro (still waiting on it...) 4) go out a whole day shopping and get everything i want (obviously not within my means...) 5) flirt outrageously and make the guy think he picked up an underage girl (yes,i'm mean...) 6) dye a crazy hair colour(like orange or blood red or pink) 7) DRIVE!!! 8) go out one whole day for gigs,shopping and then clubbing 9) stay a whole day in Starbucks just hanging with the boi and my guys plus babes 10) go Singapore on my own just on a solitary road trip 11) travel to Australia or US or Japan 12) sneak backstage at a gig where i know no insider people there 13) at least see Fall Out Boy/Paramore/Hey Monday/The Ting Tings/Lady Gaga in a gig once 14) do a whole day of photoshooting my friends for collages/photobooks 15) bungeejump 16) sing on stage alone/with a backup band in front of a crowd/remake music video(s) of my choice 17) be crazy in public as in jumping around,sing,dance away without a care in the world and pose for pics like there's no 2molo(i do that but rather toned down,i want to be really crazy! ala Avril Lavigne & her bois in the "Complicated" music video) 18) fake being a couple with one of my bois for a whole weekend(for the total heck of it) 19) cosplay as anything i want like Katy Perry or Lady Gaga,Miss Yuko from xxxholic or even Hagu from Honey & Clover
These are just things i want & want to do.I know i kinda selfish and silly to ask for so many things that aren't really important but i guess that's just me.I'm still growing up so most of what i want and asked for and want to do sound crazy but then again,i'm never really normal.Just wishing me a happy b'day does make me happy as well :) take care
mood:randomly sad listening to:How You Love Me Now by Hey Monday,A Little Not Too Over You by David Archuleta,Tearin' Up My Heart by N'sync
sometimes i love myself but most of the time,i hate myself sometimes i like n.h.n.t crush but most of the time,i tend to dislike the way he teases me most of the time,i love Ryo but sometimes i (do actually) dislike him most of the time,i love being with my bois and having them worrying about me but sometimes,i feel like i wanna be left alone sometimes i wanna be in love but most of the time,i'm too scared of being hurt sometimes i'm shy but most of the time,i'm too randomly outgoing that it scares ppl sometimes i still love J but most of the time,i hate him for how he broke my heart and now i can never give it fully to someone else Sometimes i write random poets like this for no reason at all but most of the time,you have to read between the lines to get what it really means.
mood:tired out listening to:That's What You Get by Paramore,The Little Things by Colbie Caillat,Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls,Heartbreaker by Teriyaki Boyz
things have been pretty bz lately.Aside from assignments,been juggling a lot of events lately,all of which i'm always having to organize schedules and stuff like that.My metabolism rate is also not really good.losing weight and gaining weight.The other day,i was so tired out with all the kids.We went to Sunway Pyramid and wanted to watch Marley & Me but the only show time was like 6.45 pm so went to my auntie's place and kill time then only went back to Sunway.
I realised that Sunway is quite a nice place to do shoots.Kinda miss those shoots with Secret.Haven't tok to him or spend time with him in awhile,should do it soon.Next Thurs is his b'day.
Haven't tok to Ryo this few days.Kinda miss him.As for n.h.n.t crush?i did text him yesterday and his replies ain't so cold no more but i'm just walking on thin thread at the moment so i'm just leaving it.Its not like he textes me when i don't text or find him so like that lar.
Assignments are killers at the moment.Gotta analyze some stupid 4 min scene in Being John Malkovich which have 70 bloody shots...I'm gonna die becoz my eyeballs will probably fall out. This Friday,i gotta pass it up and yes,i'm a procastinator.The open day carnival at my col was good yesterday.I worked yesterday but I didn't work today.Went for my col's other branch art showcase in Subang Parade today,it was not bad but i guess i expected it on a bigger scale.Took quite some shots yesterday and today.
Well,hopefully things will be better sooner or later,take care.
mood:a bit more bubbly listening to:Heartbreaker by Teriyaki Boyz,Heaven by Big Bang
I've cheered up a lil bit.My Ryo always does a good job of making me smile.He may disappoint me at times but he always makes me smile no matter wat.Oh well,its just work and crushes.nothing should get me down.press on.Thanks again,my Ryo :)
mood:emo,emo,emo listening to:The Funeral Song by False Start,Tongue Tied by Faber Drive
i need some cheering up.Don't ask me to text n.h.n.t crush.his replies have been slightly cold these past 2 days eventhough he's alrite with me when we do meet up.its been a long day.cold msgs just brings me down.poor knight of mine is trying to chat with me but i'm just too tired to be nice and bubbly.sori my Ryo,ur hime is not treating you well.n.h.n.t crush will always see me as lil sis.nothin more.i guess that's how life is.yes,i'm slightly (ok,not slightly but quite) emo today so just let me be plz.i'm the one always texting n.h.n.t crush and always meeting him up,maybe i should cool things down for awhile and see how things goes.that might just be the solution.gotta go b4 this post turns too emo.take care.
mood:bubbly tired listening to:Crush by David Archuleta,Clumsy by Fergie,Dreams by The Cranberries
hey,
i'm feeling better at the moment.maybe it was just that class but once i left that class,i stopped coughing.weirdness.
I feel that David Archuleta's song 'Crush' is so fitting me at this moment.Its hard to have a n.h.n.t crush on a friend.Its even harder when u keep spending time with that person.I dunno...he just makes me smile and laugh more than almost every of my bois combined together does.At the moment,i'm just leaving it as it is.Just hanging out with him and texting.I guess that's enough for the moment,i'm having fun but in that sense,i feel like Fergie's song 'Clumsy' as well...
Anywayz,its gonna be a busy week for me so except either no updates or short quick ones.Take care,love yar :)
mood:emo and lousy listening to:Foolish Love by Big Bang,Four Letter Lie by False Start,Heaven by Big Bang,Haru Haru (Day By Day) [Acoustic Version) by Big Bang
hey,
i'm currently in class actually.My class is having internet access on the pc at the moment so yes,i'm abusing it.
I need some cheering up.I feel like i'm gonna be sick.Coughing away and my throat is super dry.I have not eaten anything except drank water since last night and yet i don't feel hungry or anything like that.Hopefully n.h.n.t crush can cheer me up l8r but his msgs today have so far been a bit cold...
Sorta doing my sketches for my class as well.I can't afford to be sick now.At least not till end of April.I just gotta keep going on,i guess.Too many things going on at the moment.Student leader stuff,classes,assignments,events at my col which i'm involved in and work at the marketing department at col.Not to mention,just living...
Yes,i'm kinda emo today.Please blame the sickness or wateva u wanna call it for making me feel emo and lousy.Goodbye for the moment,will update more when i feel a bit better.love yar.
