Relationships

mood:emotional

listening to:paramore

Relationships.I've become very jaded and cynical of them.I keep seeing relationships crumble around me and it really makes me wonder sometimes whether everything is even worth the hurt we go through when we love.

I was at a press conference today.One of the speakers were mentioning on why the story she shared is so sad.She said her reason in a context that implies because love is not like fairy tales,its not simple and it does hurt.It really does.As much as i love chick flicks and love stories,i have come to realise that love does hurt.

The more you love,the more you hurt actually because you put so much of yourself into it.We women aren't like men.We just can't fake relationships as well as men.No matter how much we try not to,we tend to put a bit of ourselves into love eventhough we know it will just end up hurting us.

I've been through many different kind of guys and relationships and each one hurt more than the last.Honestly,i would love to say that i learned something from my past and take it to the next relationship but no relationships are the same.They are not made by cookie cutters whereby everyone of the relationship would turn out the same hence some lessons you can apply but not all.

Guys.I've been through guys who were sweet at first then turned sour,guys who fell out of love because of time and distance,guys who were really the nicest but just can't fall in love,guys who were so hot and cold that you just feel so sick of it,guys who appear so nice in front of everyone else and does treat you nice but behind closed doors,things were never as good as they appear to be and also guys who keeps giving you hope and keeps pouring cold water onto it.

I would honestly love to say that yes,i do still believe in love and i would take my lessons and bring it to my next relationship but i can't.Its not because i don't believe in love or that i don't want to.Its only because it hurts way too much to keep loving,to keep throwing myself into things that are so uncertain.I throw myself into my assignments because as long as i keep working at it,i know there would be good results.As for love,no matter how much i throw myself into it or work at it,all it seems to do is keep breaking my heart over and over again.

If i do love again,the person i do love would have to handle me as i am.All my fears,my paranoia,my ugliness,my scars but most of all,my heart.Sad to say this but honestly,i don't want to give my whole heart anymore because every single time i do so,it just gets crushed over and over again and i'm sick of it.

This is not a self pity post but rather a reflective one on what i feel about love (as in love in a relationship type of love)and relationships at the moment.Maybe it seems really emotional but honestly that's how i feel right now.I feel emotional,jaded and cynical about relationships but then again,as Paramore sang 'that's what you get when you let your heart win'