I banish the thoughts of you that creep into my mind with songs in my head and a good measure of a song that reminds me of the way that I felt. Everything was like fireworks, it sparkled and as soon as the beauty of it faded, it burn out and fizzled just like how the relationship went.
Everything felt amazing and great in that moment, It wasn't until I realised how I left a piece of myself behind that it felt broken. "If you walk out that door, everything will change. Don't ever think you can come back", that was the line said to me but do you know what I still remember hearing? The sound of my back slamming against the door as you pushed me against it, the sound your hand made gripping my arm so hard to prevent me from leaving. The grip that left me with such beautiful bruises.
But then again, scars and bruises fade but yet the ache in my heart doesn't. I will forever be left traumatised and scared of fully immersing myself in love. I love but cautiously and always with one part of me out of it. I tend to want to run when fights occur only because I am so scared of what happened in the past will happen again.
I should have never given myself up to you but then again, I was naively in love and sometimes, love makes everyone do foolish things that they would never do if they were thinking logically or had a chance to step back and think wisely. But if love was wise then no one would ever be impulsive. Love feels like you drank a little too much and as you are sobering up, you drink up again which becomes a never ending cycle.
You might never read this and even if you do, I hope you will not flatter yourself by thinking I'm still not over you. I'm over you, I'm just hurting from what you put me through which has left me with thoughts that should be banished from my head.
