The Past Surfaces

Sorry for the long absence, I have started working a full time job since June hence I've been busy.

I can't really disclose the nature of my job but I am not a journalist but slightly still in the media side of things.

Anyway, I am back because my head feels a little messed up.

Someone from my past has surfaced. Someone who broke my heart real bad 7 years ago but we left it as it is, we never resolved it but we just swept it under the carpet and ignore the giant elephant in the room.

I am meeting up with that someone soon and let's just say I feel more nervous than I have ever been...We met up once 4 years ago with a friend of mine but let's just put it that it was real awkward since my friend was there.

WH knows of the past I have with this person and the fact that I am meeting with this person alone. I guess it's time to solve it once and for all?

You may be surprised, I did not initiate the meeting. This person did. Over the past 7 years, I have to admit that there have been times that I do wonder what will happen if we resolve this giant elephant but some days i would rather not think about it.

Whenever this person's nickname creeps up ( i nicknamed him after an actor so naturally it would happen), obviously thoughts of him have crossed my mind. You know what is the worst part? We were never ever together (yes I said it right) because after I confessed to him and he agreed to be with me,he had a thought over the weekend and took it back the following monday.

Rejection stinks already but delayed rejection? well that didn't go down well at all...I was 16 when all this went down. I wasn't exactly naive however I was less jaded about love and relationships back then.

Needless to say, this person have the same effect on me like KZ has on me. KZ makes me feel like I'm 13 all over again whenever i talk to him but this person makes me feel like I'm 16 and feeling the heartbreak all over again. It is a bitter-sweet feeling cause he was my counsellor and good friend as well before that. After everything that went down, things were just different between us.

I guess the worst part is that the heartbreak affected me so badly that I actually blocked out my reaction to the delayed rejection and the events that followed subsequently. I had to read my old journal (haven't written in one for a long time) the other day to realise that I actually had a real bad reaction and trauma to the heartbreak that I actually didn't even register it into my long term memories.

I guess our memories plays tricks on us. Well, that's all,I guess. I don't know what will happen when we meet and I don't know if we will ever resolve this giant elephant but I wish I could stop feeling the heartbreak and the feeling like I'm 16 all over again.