Breathe

I'm a little bit tired...tired of trying to show that I'm ok and I'm alright when all I want to do is collapse and cry like everything is over.

Some days I do wonder if I start the cuts again, will I ever feel better? Will I ever feel like at least I'm showing it through physical pain even though I can't release it mentally?

Alcohol numbs the thoughts, sleep forces my thoughts to take a break but when I'm awake, my thoughts keep racing through my mind and it doesn't help. As much as I love you, there's a piece of me that hates you at the same time.

That piece of me that feels like maybe if you weren't there, I can let go and just disappear, disappear away like I never existed and maybe then I can finally breathe.